Why Jews and Cubans Shouldn't Smoke Weed on 4/20 and Other Buzzkills

By Elyse Wanshel Mon., Apr. 18 2011 at 11:30 AM

Think twice about smoking this 4/20. And we're talking to you Charlize.

Come this Wednesday you may be inclined to put on your snappiest black-light friendly Snuggie, dim the lights, softly play Bob Marley's Legend, and eat Funyuns wrapped inside of Fruit Roll-ups with a side of pickles and Mountain Dew. Or if you're a less festive pot head, you may have just realized that 4/20 -- the International Day of Weed -- is this Wednesday and, well, whatever. To celebrate, you'll dump the Coca-Cola-colored bong water out of your favorite bong (Reefer Sutherland) and replace it with fresh water and ice cubes. And if you don't smoke the sweet, sweet ganga, the idea of 4/20 seems straight up silly. And really it is. Stoners will smoke regardless of the day. Really, it's just an excuse to give that pot brownie recipe you can't quite tackle (I think I got stoned last year) another shot.

But before you put on your favorite pair of hemp oven mitts, maybe you should think twice about smoking at all on 4/20. A few not-so-celebratory events in recent history have occurred on April 20th that are major buzzkills. So if you're a 4/20 enthusiast who happens to be Jewish or Cuban -- or you're a happy-go-lucky, ignorance-is-bliss kind of blitzer -- the next page may change your perspective, bro.

What do Joey Lawrence and Hitler have in common?

It's Hitler's Birthday ...

Yup, it's the day that that frustrated artist with a funny mustache, an ardent hatred towards Jews, and dreams of world domination was born. We could make a terrible joke about buying weed in the ghetto or use the word 'ash' as a pun, but instead we'll be highbrow (okay, more like middlebrow) and opt for two more hard-hitting facts - it's also the birthday of Jessica Lange (1949), Carmen Electra (1972), and Joey Lawrence (1976) -- Whoah! -- who, in our opinions, should all legally be able to smoke whatever the hell they want on their birthday. How else are they going to ease the pain having to share their birthday with the evilest man in history?

It's The Day of the Columbine Massacre ...

Do you want to honor that tragic day back in 1999 when two immature trench-coated goths, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, walked into their high school in Columbine, Colorado and randomly shot down12 students, one teacher, injured 21 people, and committed suicide by sparking up a blunt? Bowling for Columbine was a cool movie and all, but Rolling ~~a Dutch~~ for Columbine? Not so much.

It's the Day That Laughter Died...

Okay, not really, we're being a little dramatic. But it is the day that the British comedian and lover of a good lady-chase, Benny Hill, died back in 1992. Which kind of sucks because a video like this is pretty fun to watch when you're high....sad, but funny:

It's L. Ron Hubbard Exhibition Day...

According to the Church's official website, Scientologists celebrate April 20th because it marks the blessed day back in 1991 when the "L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibition" in Hollywood, California was opened. And what exactly is L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibition? It's basically a museum/shrine to to the man who parlayed a career in writing science fiction into the world's ~~creepiest~~ most confusing religion. It was difficult to grasp what the hell this museum was really like through the Church's website, so, we decided to check out some past-vistors' reviews. Here's a gem we found by a Javier J. :

"But the thing that made this tour so worth it was the finale. They walked us to a curtained wall which unveiled to a display of all the awards Lafayette Ron Hubbard received. Then that wall opens up to show more awards... then that wall opens up to show more... and as the award music plays and the spotlights keep moving the final wall panel is revealed to be a huge picture of Lafayette Ron Hubbard.

A shrine upon all shrines that I could not believe. It was like a sort of Disneyland attraction in how over the top it was. It was hard for me to not chuckle at it."

Failure of the Bay of Pigs Invasion of US-backed troops against Cuba...

Yup, you read it. Back in 1961, 4/20 was the day many a Cuban became a Republican... which led us to the creation of Marco Rubio. Which, we know, makes it even more difficult not to smoke.

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Tags:

420, Hitler, Joey Lawrence

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Radl

Don't forget: Every now and then 4/20 (or 20/4 as we say) is Easter Sunday, the day the Messiah has risen from the dead.

malcolmkyle

Prohibition is a sickening horror and the ocean of hypocrisy, incompetence, corruption and human wreckage it has left in its wake is almost endless.

Prohibition has decimated generations and criminalized millions for a behavior which is entwined in human existence, and for what other purpose than to uphold the defunct and corrupt thinking of a minority of misguided, self-righteous Neo-Puritans and degenerate demagogues who wish nothing but unadulterated destruction on the rest of us.

Based on the unalterable proviso that drug use, among all echelons of society, is essentially an unstoppable and ongoing human behavior which has been with us since the dawn of time, any serious reading on the subject of past attempts at any form of drug prohibition would point most normal thinking people in the direction of sensible regulation.

By its very nature, prohibition cannot fail but create a vast increase in criminal activity, and rather than preventing society from descending into anarchy, it actually fosters an anarchic business model - the international Drug Trade. Any decisions concerning quality, quantity, distribution and availability are then left in the hands of unregulated, anonymous and ruthless drug dealers, who are interested only in the huge profits involved. Thus the allure of this reliable and lucrative industry, with it's enormous income potential that consistently outweighs the risks associated with the illegal operations that such a trade entails, will remain with us until we are collectively forced to admit the obvious.

There is therefore an irrefutable connection between drug prohibition and the crime, corruption, disease and death it causes. Anybody 'halfway bright', and who's not psychologically challenged, should be capable of understanding that it is not simply the demand for drugs that creates the mayhem, it is our refusal to allow legal businesses to meet that demand. If you are not capable of understanding this connection then maybe you're using something far stronger than the rest of us. So put away your pipe, lock yourself away in a small room with some tinned soup and water, and try to crawl back into reality A.S.A.P.

Because Drug cartels will always have an endless supply of ready cash for wages, bribery and equipment, no amount of tax money, police powers, weaponry, wishful thinking or pseudo-science will make our streets safe again. Only an end to prohibition can do that! How much longer are you willing to foolishly risk your own survival by continuing to ignore the obvious, historically confirmed solution?

If you support the Kool-Aid mass suicide cult of prohibition, and erroneously believe that you can win a war without logic and practical solutions, then prepare yourself for even more death, tortured corpses, corruption, terrorism, sickness, imprisonment, economic tribulation, unemployment and the complete loss of the rule of law.

The only thing prohibition successfully does is prohibit regulation & taxation while turning even our schools and prisons into black markets for drugs. Regulation would mean the opposite!

Prohibition is nothing less than a grotesque dystopian nightmare; if you support it you must be either ignorant, stupid, brainwashed, insane or corrupt.

Floydian4ever

If were going to get so MELODRAMATIC, something bad happens everyday does that mean life has to stop every time this happens? No. It's nature, loving and cruel all at once 24/7/365. Life is too short to focus on all this negativity, so while I take a moment of silence to acknowledge and pay respect to those who have gone on before me I respectfully ask my brother to pass me that sticky and thank God for his creation.

Ramos

That first sentence is the worst thing I've read in a long, long time. *cringe*

Nathan Hibbert

what a stupid ass article, you win though, for wasting the shit out of my time

Matthew Earl

No, seriously, its time to legalize the herb. It doesn't harm anybody and it is a hell of a lot better than tobacco or alcohol. MJ has never been proven to cause death.

Docbob498th

Yeah, the only danger to a pot smoker is choking on a cheeseburger.

Matthew Earl

Light up!

Thomas Zell

April 20 1945 was the day that Russian artillery started raining down on Berlin. The chancellery was shut down and Hitler, along with the rest of his staffed evacuated to the fuhrer bunker where he spent the rest of his life. It was the begging of the end of the third Reich and I will light up a blunt in remembrance.

Eblnt

the thing i think everyone forgets is that 4/20 was "national smoke out day". this was a anti smoking campin.

Green Hit Bizzle

By this persons logic, I shouldn't celebrate my dad's b-day because he had the audacity to be born on 9/11. Now, here's 5 reasons to flick a bic and light a blunt in honor of the 4/20 holiday:5)Billie Holiday records the first Civil Rights song "Strange Fruit" in 1939. Free speech through recorded music...sounds like something any Marley lover could appreciate!4)Awesome day for baseball: Tiger Stadium and Fenway Park both open their doors for the first time in 1912, and the Chicago Cubs play their first game at what is now Wrigley Field in 1916 (and they won!)3)Apollo 16 lands on the moon in 1972. No matter how high i get, I can't seem to reach the moon!2)The Civil Rights Act of 1871 becomes law. KKK wants to light a cross in my yard? I don't think so. Now I can spark my blunt with that flame and sue your ass!And the #1 reason for celebrating 4/20??? In 1937, GEORGE TAKEI WAS BORN THAT DAY!!! How could anyone not wanna give a Salute to Sulu? Merry 4/20 and have a Happy Green Year!

Markninoman

Well written .thank you

Sally Q

They weren't goths.

Really.

Please read this Slate article and be informed, instead of further maligning a group that really does just want to be left alone: http://www.slate.com/id/209920...

Omgjesushatesyou

Worst article I've read in a while. You don't know wtf you're talking about.

Bong

Its also the day columbine massacre happened. Smoke

Cest100

And slightly racist... Don't you have an editor that tells you "Hmm maybe this isn't the best idea to run this article"...?

It makes you look like a bigot :-/

Cest100

Square.

h8gop

By quoting what happened on the same dates is total BS. On April 4th, I took a huge dump that clogged up the toilet. So is April 4th now a bad day? I, for one, will be celebrating 4/20 the same way I celebrate every day....