|via Jacob...K via Buzzfeed|
|Only in Florida can folks sell hugs with alligators.|
Florida continues to be the butt of the world's jokes thanks to ridiculous moments of stupidity and depressingly dark violence. And the Casey Anthony ordeal is not helping our state's reputation any. Then there's Buzzfeed's viral list of 40 Things You'll Only See in Florida
, cataloging everything from selling hugs with alligators
to taxi ads for Miami's World Erotic Art Museum
with a portrait of owner Naomi Wilzig.
So what if our grandmas open sex galleries from their private collection of nudie artifacts? All the other 49 states are just jealous things are so interestingly down here in America's kickstand. We're pretty proud of our "short commute to strangeness," as author Karen Russell
recently described life in South Florida. So we've rounded up some stellar bling to advertise our unhindered pride in our wacky home state.
But be warned: flash anything Florida-themed and someone is bound to
start up a conversation about how deranged our state is. Here are five
stellar pieces of jewelry and the unwanted conversations they may
When folks approach you with Florida criticism, remember: It's not their fault. The "Only in Florida" trope is too ingrained in popular culture. Remember when MTV's Loveline
used to have a segment called "Germany or Florida?" in which callers would guess whether the weird news happened in Deutschland or the F State? And in the Marvel comic universe, Florida is home to the Nexus of All Realities, a fantastical intersection where WTFs and OMGs meet and birth a weird world of slow-moving, empathic, humanoid creatures.
So go ahead and wear your state pride around your neck and on your ear lobes. But should you don the below jewelry on summer travels out of state, be prepared and have some barbed comebacks on the ready when the Florida jabs start flowing.
|I heart Florida Necklace - $50 - by Truche (Etsy) |
"Oh, hey you're from Florida? Isn't that the state that elected a governor whose biggest accomplishment was running a healthcare
company caught pulling the largest fraud against Medicare in history?"
"Nice necklace. You from Florida? Do cousins really try to chop off each other's hands with machetes
"3-0-5. That's Miami, right? Reminds me of that news story
where police responded to sounds of
a crying baby left in a car only to find goats, roosters, pigeons,
ducks, and guinea pigs. Oh, and then the owner turned out to be Bang Bros porn star, right?"
"Manatees? Adorable. Hey, wasn't it in Florida where local Tea Party-ers protested saving manatees because they thought it was un-Jesus-y to "elevate animals over people
"Is that a croc or a gator? Didn't your state try to make baggy pants illegal even after baggy jeans helped a Florida teenager evade an alligator attack
?"Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.