A Miami Cock Talks Cockfighting From the Frontlines

Categories: Culture
I am no chicken, mayne. Never call me a chicken, ok. I might run, but not from fear. There is a cockfight, tonight, in Hialeah. I am showcased in the main event. I will win this match because I am a killer. Just so you know, bro--Miami has turned me into this monster. This environment, this Magic City. Miami has made me a killer.

As a young chick, I was learned and inquisitive. I would walk the streets of my home in Little Havana, near 12th Avenue, wondering about the deeper things in life. Like why did I want to cross the road exactly? And what was I going to do on the other side? I wondered which came first, me or the egg?? I was philosophical, yet spirited and feisty, an activist. I protested Pollo Tropical, vandalized that giant chicken in Calle Ocho, and boycotted McDonalds only to learn they do not use real chicken anyway.

Flickr CC gregoryperez
I have always been a free-spirited warrior. Until the day of my kidnapping. The Chicken Busters, mayne. Do you know about them? They kidnapped me, threw me in a bag and sent me to a farmer in Homestead. I was one of the 16,000 unlucky ones captured by the Chicken Busters, bro. And let me tell you. Life on the Homestead farm broke my spirit. It was slavery. Indeed. Worse than Guantanamo.

We were cooped up in tight quarters, sick and diseased. It took strength most cocks don't have to survive the 10-month ordeal until eventually I was sold. To the cock-fighters. They trained us to fight. The conditioning was hard, like eye-of-the-tiger Rocky-hard. The cock-fighters made me drink eggs. That's just cannibalism, mayne.

Plus I didn't want to fight. They forced me. I am a lover, not a fighter. But I had to. I had no choice. When the day came and they threw me in the ring I knew if I lost, I would be a drumstick. So I fought and killed and tore to pieces quickly anyone they put me in the ring with. I am a cold-blooded murderer, mayne. I am undefeated. 37-O. A champion cock!! They call me Ahorita! because of the quickness in which you will meet your demise.

I have made much money for my handlers. And I have fans. And now there is a big fight, scheduled in Hialeah, tonight, against a champion from Mexico, the West Coast--they call him the San Diego Chicken. I know of this cock and I could kill him--but my handlers are insisting I take a dive. They want me to throw the fight. Me? Throw the fight? If I throw the fight, it means my death. Plus I have pride. I am half-Cuban. I will not take a dive. I am half-Cuban, half-Jewish, ALL-chicken, bro. You remember that.

However, they will kill me if I don't take a dive. The stakes are high now!! I have only one option. To defeat the San Diego Chicken and then run to escape a certain death by the chicken mafia. I must run. But not from fear. I will run for freedom. And if I don't make it, I want my story told for all the future chickens who are forced to fight. It is not right! Liberta!! Liberta!! Liberta!!

The time has arrived for me to approach the New Times readers, understanding their total obsession with cock--and say remember me, remember Ahorita!, as a brave and loyal cock, a victim of this loco environment, this Magic City, this place you call home, your Miami. Remember my name and scream it wherever there is injustice! Ahorita! Liberta!!

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

This is terrific.  Clever, original, with an understated politic and a touch of pathos.  And funny as hell.


This is brilliant, very creative.

Alex Mase
Alex Mase

Great article.. I dont COCK fight but my abuelo was an old school cock fighter may he rest in peace.. I remember as a kid going to the farms and seeing all his cocks ready for war. Thats a experience I would not trade in for anything in the world. Sorry PETA my childhood is worth more than ur norms and believes.


This article is retarded. And if you put two roosters (or cocks - as the writer felt compelled to call himself) together they will instinctively fight each other whether they've been trained to do so or not. This cock obviously knows nothing about cocks or cockfighting (except maybe what he does with his hand in his pants) the attempt to humanize the roosters feelings falls flat, the bad humor and campy references are stupid. It reminds me of those swiffer commercials where the dirt is all sad because the mops and brooms can't pick them up. 


This article is retarded.

Jonathan  Vinazza
Jonathan Vinazza

I thought it was funny. My only complaint is the misspelling of the word "Libertad" in spanish. I think snakebone is reading waaaaay too deep into this one, like cock and balls deep. haha. sorry too easy to resist.


I disagree. I found this original, creative and hilarious.

Nice job. :)

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault