We're going to be bold and admit that we have no idea what to wear to the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim
this weekend. It recently occurred to us that our wardrobe compiled from the best of the clearance rack at Target may be unsuitable for an industry fashion event. It doesn't help that Miami is a good half year behind on fashion, so all those high-waisted shorts and washed-out florals we've spotted around Wynwood are likely to be a few trends old.
So we sniffed around on this thing called the Internet, and we think we've found the latest in street wear. Face dresses -- especially those that are flesh colored so that your mounds of cleavage look like two cancerous orbs on the top of Steve Buscemi's receding hairline. Think the dress to the right is an anomaly? Nope. Click on for more face dresses.
The polyester/elastane Buscemi dress runs $100 and is made by Black Milk Clothing
in Australia. They also offer a Jack Nicholson in The Shining
version in case you always wanted to wear Jack Torrance's crazy eyes at nipple level.
The face dresses over on Etsy
get more wearable both for their reasonable price tags and lack of stretchy material. Check out this Frida Kahlo number:
And this Viviane Westwood flared nostril portrait:
And no fashion trend is really viable without a DIY version, and we're pretty sure this mulleted guy just used a Sharpie and a 5XL white T-shirt:Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.