South Beach Tow Might Be Worst Reality TV Show Ever: A Definite Must See

Categories: Film and TV
south-beach-tow200.jpg
truTV
Watch out for these guys.
Just when you thought reality TV couldn't sink any lower...wait a second. We've already used that line, several times. The truth is there are no depths to which reality shows will not sink. Have you heard bout the new Casey Anthony show? We haven't either, but trust us, a pitch is forthcoming. That's part of what attracts us to them; their lowness. We can't help loving it. We know this well at Cultist (ahem, Basketball Wives, Bad Girls Club Miami, Housewives of any major metropolitan market).

Having said all that, we feel fairly certain that the premise for the new South Beach Tow --premiering July 20 on truTv -- is so utterly imbecilic, so devoid of any grain of relevance to living a decent life, and such a time suck of gargantuan proportions that there is little doubt it will be the hit of the season.

Granted, we've all had our cars towed on South Beach, it's like a clubbers right of passage. And we've all imagined that behind that cracked bullet proof glass where we have to deposit cash and a significant amount of our dignity there are some pretty despicable characters. We personally envisioned a herd of wildebeests laughing at our pleas and mocking us as they roll on their wildebeest bellies in piles of our ill-gotten money. Well that's the show. You get to be in on the wildebeests' conversations. At least that's what we get from the trailers.

Don't get us wrong, our take on the show is not meant to besmirch it, any less than we do any other reality shows. Who doesn't like to laugh at other people's misfortune from time to time? And misfortune and having your car towed are familiar bedfellows on South Beach. Plus, it's not our cars getting towed. And even if it was, it probably wouldn't be dissimilar to a starring role in the original reality TV show, Cops. You might be embarrassed initially, but that's easily made up for by the hours of laughs you get retelling the story at family barbecues.

But back to South Beach Tow. It stars a bunch of tow company employees. Just take that in for a sec. Let it settle in you that part of your brain that's warns of you impending doom and wait for the apocalypse sirens to start blaring. About the only thing that seems legit about the show is that the company featured, Tremont Towing, is one of two actual actual towing companies on South Beach (both are currently in a dogfight for towing rights).

So far as we can tell the show rings about as truthful as Casey Anthony was to police. Whether it's a douchy preppy who gets mad and violent when he's not allowed to get his bags out of a towed cab, or the gun toting, Borat-looking greaseball who gets his boat repossessed, or the diminutive rapper who breaks into verse when trying to get his car back, it's all about as real as most female chests on South Beach.

But don't take our word for it, check it out yourself:



Oh, and did we mention that J-Lo is exec producing the truTV reality show. For her sake, we hope she was as involved with plot lines and show concepts as she is in making management decisions for the Miami Dolphins, another of her investments.

South Beach Towing premieres July 20 at 10 p.m. on truTV.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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66 comments
jessicamuniz15
jessicamuniz15

Sorry jlo i live you but you need a real show good actors not lame ass people "i think i gotta give her cpr" so stupid an bernice wish she was Hercules whatever. 

chickenbittle
chickenbittle

I am neither brain dead nor do I have special needs. I love this show. Bernice rules. The thing that makes this show different from other reality shows is that the characters aren't a bunch of despicable losers. I'm rooting for all of them, except for maybe Perez. I also love how all the good guys - nearly everyone - is hugely overweight and the one bad guy, Perez, is skinny.

pjredsox115
pjredsox115

Anyone who likes this show is either brain dead or has special needs. No offense to anyone with special needs because they are smart enough to not watch this abortion of a show.         WORST SHOW IN HISTORY!!!!

zyggy602
zyggy602

scripted or not I love South Beach Tow. It's my favorite program on TruTV. I LOVE  Bernice, Kosgrove  and Eddie. I hope they keep it on for a long time.

stephanie64stephanie
stephanie64stephanie

We LOVE the show and the crew of South Beach. And most of all we Love Bernice you Rock girl! I would  want you to watch my back. Is there a shirt saying Bernice #1 Fan ?

Derekm280
Derekm280

"rite of passage" not "rights of passage" haha

Joseph_klisiak
Joseph_klisiak

All these shows are freaking  fake......... I never believed any of these reality shows were real.....everybody wants to be a star.............  they make me laugh....

pfftwhatev
pfftwhatev

People who watch this are the same people who watch "pro" wrestling and swear that's real too.  I lost a couple of IQ points just scrolling through the channels while the trailer for this thing was running.  

James
James

Watching it now, I think it is funny.

Uber1338
Uber1338

Trash show . Contrived BS . Bad for SoBe and produced by Jeniifer LoLife

mck8ty
mck8ty

Reminds me of Reno 911....I could laugh at it if it wasn't pretending to be real. 

Mdennique
Mdennique

I really like South Beach Tow. My favourite person is Bernice. I hope I spelled her name correctly. She is a no nonsense women for sure.

Monkey_Muffins
Monkey_Muffins

This Tremont guy has been making his money by victimizing the public in a predatory manner.  Contracts with kickbacks, speedy snatch and grab operations, etc..  He lives in a gray area of legal extortion that constitutes out and out theft when he can get away with it.  Now in the show, he's portrayed as some kind of victim that viewers should feel pity for?  Any misery this guy experiences can only be partial payback for his lifelong habits the way I see it.

Mark11
Mark11

This show is the biggest piece of garbage I have ever seen on tv. Poor people.

Donttowmycarplz
Donttowmycarplz

Each one of them makes 10k an episode........would you do a fake/studid show if they paid you that much?

nanci
nanci

I like Bernice, she gotta control her temper a bit, but she ent lazy,she works hard. I wont warn the boss, his kids are lazy and fat, and the father dont have no respect for his staff, just firing them on the spot like that?? whats up with that.

Dianab24
Dianab24

Every thing on TV is fake this one of the best one's to me.

T Marie2441
T Marie2441

It is so fake but funny as hell! It serves it's purpose, entertainment!

Konaeka
Konaeka

I think this show is full of crap..J Lo should be embarrassed !

Gilly
Gilly

Stop it...ripping a door off a car? Weed farmers carrying plastic machetes? (The "machetes " didn't reflect the sun...oh, and weed farmers clip the buds, they do not cut the whole damn plant...sad, sad, horrible acting. Reality TV? This network needs a reality check.

Guy in Minnesota
Guy in Minnesota

Who cares if it's real or fake. In fact, if you actually ponder this very point, maybe it's to the benefit of mankind you're at home watching TV and not out trying to make our world a better place.

What's wrong with watching trashy TV with absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever? J-Lo is a genius. The show is a cash-cow. The production costs to producing the show have to be next to nothing. All admit that I'm jealous, and J-Lo is lining her already well lined pockets with a lot more cheese off of this show.

I have no problem admitting that I love watching this show! The ridiculusness of this show is so silly, it's genius! Some of the story lines are so absurd, they're brilliant. Think about some of them: a guy on parole with a lo-jack gets looked up because his car gets towed while he's banging a fugly fatty (meanwhile his girl friend is smoking), the ex-lax laced Christmas cookies, & Perez being a double agent. Too bad this show is marketed as "reality" as the writers story lines are worthy of an Emmy.

Thank you "South Beach Tow." It's nice to enjoy 30 minutes each week where I can tune in & tone out. The show works because it is so awful it is amazing.

I have no problem admitting I thoroughly enjoy this drivel of a trashy show. If you disagree with me, feel free to flame away. After all, a dork who's posted something like this will most likely find any and all opposing replies thoroughly entertaining.

On a closing note, for those residents on Miami who get upset for the way the show portrays your residents, every city has low-lifes & douchebags. Some places just have more than others ;) Also, some people will do anything to get on TV & some of us will do anything to watch those willing to do anything to get on the boob-tube.

Kneco Uqdah jr
Kneco Uqdah jr

I knew it was a fake show. but when bernice pulled the door off the car that really confirmed it. there was noooooo question

Paintballa8803
Paintballa8803

Is this really what the united states has come to? To think we wonder why the rest of the world looks down on us. The people represented in this show are trash and the perfect Image of what is wrong with this country, and our so called role models such as j ho. People like this should be sterilized at birth so they can't pass on their degenerative genes. We should be moving forward, and this proves mankind is degrading daily. We would be better off if ww2 ended with a different victor :).

josh o
josh o

One of the worst shows in history.. So terrible and fake I don't know how it was given air time.

Gotcha
Gotcha

Guys, the show is totally fake. The "citizens" are all miked and you can usually spot the belt packs. It's all actors and fakery. They do several takes, you can tell from the amount of camera coverage.

Accept it for what it is--a show that got you to believe that it's real when it's not!

Corbett
Corbett

I watched 4 back to back episodes this weekend and have never laughed so hard.  I could care less if it's fake.  I'm still laughing today.

Maxbircil
Maxbircil

I stumbled across South Beach Tow this weekend and thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!!  

Andyjones13579
Andyjones13579

naw way op repo is sooo fuckin fake i mean they all are obviosuly at least south beach tow is some what entertaining u guys are str8 haters like i been going thoguht all ur diffrent pages and u all consatly talk shit get a life lol

Quit Whinning
Quit Whinning

Why do the women on these towing shows always have to be fat oinks with tatoos all over them.  Oh, I forgot about ugly also.

Quit Whinning
Quit Whinning

What a fake crappie show. That dumb black girl just pulled the door completely off a car. Impossible to do that in the real world. Absolutely stupid. Not worth watching stupid idiots trying to make a tv show. Nothing real to see here, all staged.

.

Abx1981
Abx1981

The show is funny, and its entertaining, yeah, its noy a fine work of art, butits a funny show, incase most of you haven't left your house, there are a lot of people in miami that act exactly how the people on this ashow act.. It more than likely fake because the scenerios that play out are so ridiculous, a. Horus breaking out into song, a fat female rap group trying record a music. Ideo on the yard, the two goons from the rival tow company always doing crazy stuff.. That stuff cant be real, but its funny as hell

Kevin
Kevin

SOUTH BEACH TOW!? ONE OF THE BIGGEST AND NEWEST JOKES. ADD IT TO THE HUGE LIST WORTHLESS SHIT. I SAY HANDS DOWN VIEWERS SHOULD BE EMBARRASED AND ESHAMED FOR BEING ENTERTAINED AND FOR SUPPORTING IT. WORTHLESS VIEWERS BREED WORTHLESS SHOWS. JOKE! JOKE! JOKE! JOKE! JOKE! THERE IS NO WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT A WORTHLESS JOKE THIS SHOW AND MANY OTHERS LIKE IT AND THERE VIEWERS ARE. Thanks. Kevin M. IDIOTS!

Kenneth C Doctor
Kenneth C Doctor

This show is actually a pretty good show, it my have its faults here an there but its interesting to watch. I only say this cause my family has a towing company and everything you see these individuals do on tv happens in the real world, I love this show the rest of you people suck!!!

KE
KE

yes i know is BS and fake.... but is so so funny , show that miami people are like retards, lol lol really i get laugh and laugh with this weird wako show loli was little down the weekend and i started to see this freeeeking show make me laugh all day ))))

Moonlightlady339
Moonlightlady339

This show doesn't even qualify as entertainment.  It's so low class there are no words to describe it.   The people on the show are so illiterate, they should all go back to grade school and try to start from there.   Watch the show if you like, you'll lose IQ points.

Cowgirl69
Cowgirl69

jlo orJDOE SHOULD KEEP TO SINGIing&dancing these theives dont deserve airtime they cant even act AND EVERYBODY NEEDS to get drug tested and their criminal records ran! STARTING AT THE TOP! WITH SO MANY OTHER real repo co.on air why show this pathetic show of trash!!!!!!! believe me if they towed your car MS lopez & STOLE YOUR SUNGLASSES, cds,perfume,or jacket u wouldnt be a fan either.WAKE UP & smell the coffee u are being used

leonard55
leonard55

@jessicamuniz15 He said "PCR" not "CPR." Only on a staged reality show would a fat bastard degenerate like Jerome actually get women. But I do like Bernice. She's a riot.

J-ho blows alot of cocks
J-ho blows alot of cocks

I think J-Blo had to bend over and give up her fat ass to the guy who put this show on the air, and probably sucked a few cocks too that trashy skank.

yomammaonmydick
yomammaonmydick

what does having tattoos have to do with anything? this is miami. everybody has tattoos get over it and hop back on your ship to puritan land or amish country where everybody acts proper in the name of god and all that shit

Jordan
Jordan

 hey.. im watching that episode now lmao

You are an IDIOT
You are an IDIOT

You cant spell you loser. No one takes this seriously...getting all worked up. 

Idiots? Nah, man. You are an idiot. IN ALL CAPS. 

Paintballa8803
Paintballa8803

You should be ashamed of your pathetic grammar you retarded retard.

Jake
Jake

 You should be ashamed of caring so much about what other people watch and unleashing the CAPS LOCK fury.

Trains1865
Trains1865

Most people in flordia are retards the prove it time and time again with votking and casey anthony whats next

poppy
poppy

y get so worked up?  its just some off-the-wall craziness. take it with a grain of salt.do u really think its real? jlo is laughing all the way to the bank!

Kevin
Kevin

Ignorant jiberish. You make as much sense as the show, actually less, you aint getting paid for your professional stupidity. IDIOTS!

guest
guest

That's a little superfluous isn't it. It is a given that a retard would be retarded. All of you need to brush up on your English usage and grammar

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