Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy: Chinese Porn With 3D Boobs and Flying Donkey Dicks (NSFW)
Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy, which opens at the Coral Gables Art Cinema this week, tracks the sexual exploits and evolution of Wei Yangsheng (Hiro Hayama), a young scholar during the Ming Dynasty. He marries the young and beautiful Yuxiang (Leni Nam), and eagerly takes his soft-skinned new wife to bed, only to discover that he can't keep an erection going for more than a few seconds. He's a three-pump chump, if you will. Read on for a review of the film, which was banned in mainland China.
Because erectile dysfunction tablets were not yet prominent in the days of the Ming Dynasty, Wei takes some extreme measures to increase his endurance. His "studies" are conducted in the Tower of Ultimate Bliss, a brothel run by The Prince of Ning that reminded us of Pinocchio's Pleasure Island, right down to the jackass-like braying of the milky-skinned women copulating or being otherwise serviced all over the place.
In this den of carnal indulgence, we meet a variety of curiosities, including some from the animal kingdom and others of the human variety, who are often, um, not quite what they seem. Some have thinly hidden violent demeanors; others bend gender in "extreme" and ludicrous ways that made us laugh so hard we almost puked.
As Wei undergoes coitus classes under the cruel tutelage of the malevolent whorehouse overlord, his wife, whom we've all forgotten about by now thanks to the barrage of skin-slapping scenes in between, gets understandably upset. They separate and begin wandering down individual wayward sexual paths.
For Wei, this entails an attempt to replace one of his sexual organs with that of a large quadriped. The ensuing hair-brained surgery at the hands of the Asian equivalent of a handicapped Cheech and Chong was, for us, the hilarious high point of the movie.
Consequently, the remaining 40 minutes, which make attempts at serious drama, add a larger slice of gratuitous Kung Fu-fueled violence, include queasy episodes involving rape and an unfortunate monk, and awkwardly insert a puzzling moral, got a little tedious at times.
Still, as a film junk-food curiosity with surprisingly beautiful set design and costumes (in the few scenes where clothes are worn), and effective use of 3D, it's definitely worth a late-night outing with a few lighthearted friends.
Come expecting pretty pictures, silly sounds, and an attention-deficit-driven plot, all wrapped up in a baffling "ethical lesson," and you'll leave having got what you paid for.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
|3D Sex and Zen|
|Wei Yangsheng takes a ride with one of the concubines in the Tower of Ultimate Bliss|