Miami Beach Jellyfish Issues a Warning to Beachgoers

Categories: Culture
cc: Totoro's Expy
My existence stings. Yes, I'm pretty. Hypnotic even. Lucid and beautiful. Yet no one appreciates me. The real me. I'm just a nuisance! Do you ever feel like that? Is your prettiness also a poison? Do people look at you and run away? Are they scared of your beauty? It sucks. Like a gypsy outcast, no one wants to see me. I'm alone. There are many of us, but we vacillate through the sea alone. I don't want to be a nuisance.

Granted. I'll shut down your beach. Have you standing there like hands-across-the-sand. But I didn't ask to be beached. The ocean knows not pity. You see. Our lives don't last long. When the purple flag is waving at the lifeguard stand that is our banner, our Ole Glory, it's William Wallace time!! Fre-e-e-e-dom!!

So let us rest in peace. Tell those Pinecrest and Kendall kids to stop poking us with sticks. Because we're capable of being a real pain. Hell hath no fury like a jellyfish scorned. Trust me. Keep pissing me off. It will end with you peeing on yourself.

With wrath I'll strike down upon every British and German tourist I see. Duck-dive a wave and you'll find me on your face. You'll look like crew on The Flying Dutchman. Continue to poke and prod, and I will sting because I AM a bitch. Remember. Disrespect breeds contempt, even from the vulnerable.

Flickr CC: BrainWare3000
You want to hear a story? I had a girlfriend. Rachel. She washed upon your shores ready for her salvation. Listen to this. Some hack wannabe Nip & Tuck black market plastic surgeon picked her up and actually used her as a breast implant. Stuck her in some Colombiana's chest in an office off of Flagler!! Talk about disrespect. Sheesh!!
I will never understand humans. Why change what is naturally beautiful? You're so fake, Miami. God gave you a face yet you make yourself another. Understand the power in being yourself!! Look at me. Admire my naturalness. Then leave me alone.

Leave us all alone. Don't pollute our waters with oil. Don't crush our reefs with commerce and nosiness. And don't poke us with sticks when we reach our final destination!!

We don't want to sting you. It is just a natural defense mechanism. We are here. And then we are gone. Life is too fragile and delicate, just let us be. You might have seen me lately. We were here in droves and then left. You can blame Irene. Her off-shore winds blew us away. So you can have your beach back, for now. But be weary. We will return.

And when that happens, just leave us alone. That's all I want. To be left alone. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever stung someone out of defense? Yes, Miami. I think you can relate. 

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I have never stung anyone "out of defense" but I would like to sting you in defense of the English language.  Your attempt at automatic writing gets lost in your confusing truncated sentences and rambling thoughts.  Nice effort but spend a little more time on it next year.

Jelly de belen
Jelly de belen

Evolution is really true, folks. Take the talking jellyfish for example. Though he may have difficulties with some sentences, the way he delivered his message is amazing. I knew their tentacles have other uses -- but not for logging online, and composing messages for us, humans. Amazing!


It's good to know that there are half-human, half-jellyfish individuals concerned about the well-being of the beach-goers. Keep it up!


Suck my dick.

Is that truncated enough for you?

You want to battle?? Have a write off... I'm game.

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