Film's Biggest Losers and Winners of 2011
On the other hand, you've gotta face it: There are some horrendous movie makers out there these days, along with literally millions of Americans who are willing to pay to see their horrendous movies. But that doesn't mean we can't take a little time out once a year to stare the reality of these terrible directors and films in the face and call them what they are, right?
In that spirit, here's a way-too-short-to-be-exhaustive roundup of some of the worst and best things to happen to film in 2011.
Instead of making this movie about a teen who finds his baby picture on a missing persons site, they should have called the film "Abdominals" and focused the camera on Taylor Lautner's rock-solid stomach for an hour and forty-six minutes. That way we'd get the all visual appeal and be spared the half-hearted acting, cliche-packed dialog, and awkward editing of the actual flick.
4. The Roommate
Just what the world needs: another movie about an obsessive stalker types and all the crazy shit they can do to torment the objects of their obsessions. This movie about a girl named Sara (Minka Kelly) whose college roommate Rebecca (Leighton Meester) becomes dangerously obsessed with her is just more of the same. On top of being painfully hackneyed, it also deserves credit for its negligent story line, which overlooks the idea of providing some kind of back story to explain crazy roommate Rebecca's apparent mental illness.
3. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
We feel like just listing the title and leaving the rest to the imagination is enough explanation for why this movie belongs in the "worst" category. But here's a little more just in case that seems unfair: FBI agent Malcolm (Martin Lawrence) and his son Trent (Brandon T. Jackson) go undercover as Big Momma and Charmaine to solve a murder mystery in an all-girls performing arts school. Sigh.
2. American Moviegoers
No, that's not the title of a movie. We're calling out American audiences for paying money to see lame movies. Every single one of the top five grossing films in this country was a sequel. Many of them were sequels to movies that were not very good to begin with. So Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 got rave reviews and critics gave Transformers, Dark of the Moon a few cheers. The same can't be said of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1; The Hangover Part II; and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, which were all on the top grossing list, in that order. Next up was Fast Five, starring Vin Diesel, the Rock, and Ludacris, followed by Cars 2. 'Nuff said.
1. Actor and Director Adam Sandler
You probably never heard of Adam Sandler's Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, and for good reason. It was horrible. We like director Sandler and star Nick Swardson, the comedian who regularly appeared as Terry, the drug-addicted, rollerskating male prostitute/societal menace on Reno 911. Still, there was just no reason for this film to ever be made. Bucky Larson is a kid from the Midwest who moves out to Hollywood to carry on the family tradition of becoming a porn star. Reviews of the film include accusations that the screenplay was written by three horny middle school boys, which seems like an insult to horny middle school boys from some of the synopsis snippets we've read. Some examples: Larson's member is literally microscopic, and he orgasms instantly every time he sees a woman take her shirt off. We're speechless.
Sandler's similarly embarrassing Jack and Jill and crappy romantic comedy Just Go With It secure him a special place as a huge loser in 2011 film.
And now, for something completely different...