Why Stop at Stadiums? Four More Tax-Funded Buildings That Could House the Homeless

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marlinspark.jpg
Doesn't it just scream "homeless shelter"?
With the newfound revelation of a state law requiring tax-funded stadiums to house homeless citizens when not in use, just about everyone is thinking the same thing: "LOL WTF?"

Team owners have long striven to ignore this obscure law (when they're not tied up counting their white cotton sacs of money with green dollar sign logos and twirling their comically long mustaches, that is). But now that the cat is out of the bag, it seems as if the newly-created Grand Central Park won't have to worry about homeless dudes dropping deuces on its hallowed ground, because they'll be doing so at the American Airlines Arena. You know, the same place it costs $40 to watch Wade alley-oop to LeBron from the nosebleed sections. That's not even counting the sherpa's fee to get you there.

Stadiums and arenas seem like a dumb place to house the homeless for a lot of reasons. So at what other stupid-ass places can we have the homeless spend a few nights instead?

courthouse.jpg
28 floors of scamp luxury
Miami-Dade County Court House
Like the arenas, it's also a tax-funded building, and after 6 p.m., it becomes a goddamn wasteland anyway. So why not let the homeless run amok in the courthouse? Since it's Miami, we could also have MTV set up some cameras and create a new reality show out of it. Something with an uncreative name, as is MTV's trademark, like Miami Hobos. This plan has the added benefit of ensuring that any homeless person breaking a law in this tax-funded building can be tried and prosecuted the very next morning. Then we can move them into another tax-funded building: jail!

Why it's a terrible idea
We're pretty sure it would be a bitch to have to roll out cots and blankets every day, plus employing plenty of security to keep an eye on potential damage/theft. Then there's the smell. Oh god, the smell.

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Drake Mallard
Drake Mallard

Every year, millions of taxpayer dollars are poured into stadiums, 
hockey rinks, baseball parks, and other arenas in order to attract and retain 
professional sports teams in big cities.  Often the money is spent by 
the cities after a team "threatens" to leave the city.When that happens, of course, the local news media act as the willing
accomplices of the billionaires who own the teams.When city and state governments build facilities for sports organizations which are owned by billionaires, and raise taxes as a result, it is clearly an abuse of power.


it time for more recalls /jail time

Drake Mallard
Drake Mallard

Every year, millions of taxpayer dollars are poured into stadiums, hockey rinks, baseball parks, and other arenas in order to attract and retain professional sports teams in big cities.  Often the money is spent by the cities after a team "threatens" to leave the city.When that happens, of course, the local news media act as the willing accomplices of the billionaires who own the teams.When city and state governments build facilities for sports organizations which are owned by billionaires, and raise taxes as a result, it is clearly an abuse of power.it time for more recalls /jail time

Drake Mallard
Drake Mallard

Every year, millions of taxpayer dollars are poured into stadiums, hockey rinks, baseball parks, and other arenas in order to attract and retain professional sports teams in big cities.  Often the money is spent by the cities after a team "threatens" to leave the city.When that happens, of course, the local news media act as the willing accomplices of the billionaires who own the teams.When city and state governments build facilities for sports organizations which are owned by billionaires, and raise taxes as a result, it is clearly an abuse of power.it time for more recalls /jail time

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