Bacon Stops Nosebleeds, and Nine Other Incredible and Inedible Uses for Tasty Fried Pig
Think we're being as dramatic as Miss Piggy? Think again, Kermit. Bacon spurs cult pages on Facebook, inspires vegetarians to create their own sad, Band-Aid-ish alternatives, and even provokes douchebags to create incredibly un-kosher Hitler costumes out of the deliciously crispy, strips of pork. How can you sleep at night, knowing you've abused bacon like that, Hitler-douche? How?
As a species, we're not even satisfied with the phenomenal flavor of pure bacon. We feel the need to top cupcakes with it, coat it in chocolate, and infuse it into our vodka. But what about all the other uses for bacon? The fatback is so ridiculously awesome that it has to be good for something ;more than making our tummies smile. So we put on our detective hats, busted out our magnifying glasses, killed a few ants, and then found 10 incredible yet inedible uses for bacon. (Sorry, ants.)
1. It can be used as cologne
Because what woman doesn't want a man who smells like a roadside diner?
2. It stops nose bleeds
Seriously, stick it up your nose and the bleeding will subside.
3. It gives you a soft pucker
4. It can be used as a wallet
5. It can be used as a lance
Bacon is so kickass is can burn through a steel pan!