Five Things You Don't Know About Lesbians
|Courtesy of Kathleen Warnock|
|Writer, editor, and playwright, Kathleen Warnock.|
Do not fret. As always, Cultist is here to edu-ma-cate you - not only about erotica, but as it turns out, lesbians as well. Unless you are a lesbian, there may be a few facts about your Sapphic sisters that would surprise you. We had a little chat with Kathleen Warnock, the editor of the annual Best Lesbian Erotica series, and came up with a list of interesting facts that you may not know about lesbians.
Before we get to the hot, girl-on-girl action (just teasing -- you'll have to buy the book for that), a little English 101. Erotica is quality literature that happens to contain really hot sex scenes. It's like porn for smart people. Think hot sex, but without canned music and seventies' mustaches -- and with characters and a plot.
The annual BLE series has been around for over a decade and Warnock -- a playwright, fiction writer, and editor -- has been editing it since 2010. BLE 2012 contains over twenty of the best lesbian erotica stories you'll find anywhere. As one of the contributors to the anthology, I had the opportunity to discuss lesbians and bearded Australian dragons (she has one named Steve) with Warnock. Here are her top five things you'd be surprised to learn about women who lust after women.
5. Lesbians don't like scattered periods
Ha! Gotcha! This isn't about redwings, this is about the proper use of punctuation. For some reason, most lesbians are sticklers for grammar. Warnock explains, "At least one editor of lesbian erotica finds the proper use of the apostrophe sexy. I won't kick you out of bed for eating crackers, but will if you can't tell the difference between your/you're; their/they're/there; and its/it's. If you use "ur" in any form of written or online communication, you are dead to me. Dead!"
4. Lesbians love girls who play with balls
Yep, we did it again. This is about basketball, not whatever prurient image your dirty mind conjured up. "Some lesbians still have the ticket stub from the first WNBA game they attended. And an autographed Elena Baranova jersey. And mourn the late Miami Sol," shares Warnock.
|Courtesy of Cleis Press|
There was a time when characters from Xena the Warrior Princess inhabited many a masturbatory lesbian fantasy. Not anymore. "Working theory: Alicia/Kalinda/Diane from The Good Wife has replaced Xena/Gabrielle/Callisto as the staple of lesbian fantasy. Discuss on an online fansite. Wear your flameproof breastplate," suggests Warnock.
2. We don't all have each other's backs
Unlike other minority groups who support others from their tribe no matter what common sense might dictate (remember O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson?) lesbians can be just as catty as some straight girls and gay men. "Rachel Maddow wears too much eye makeup," says Warnock. "Paula Poundstone is a perv," I say.
1. Lesbians keep score just like straight dudes do
Warnock says, "If you're a lesbian and marry (or do it with) an ex-nun, you get a million Lesbian Points." It's true.
Follow Warnock on Twitter @kwarnockny.
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