Five Things Single People Shouldn't Do on Valentine's Day

Categories: Lists
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We know what you're thinking: "Goddammit, I hate Valentine's Day." We know, we know. We hate it too. It's mere commercialized mockery of love and affection -- baloney with a side of bullshit.

We'll bet tons of you readers out there won't have anyone to snuggle with on the night of Feb. 14. (Assuming, of course, that you're all miserable jerks like we are.) And yeah, that sucks. But y'know what'll make it worse? Surrounding yourself with lovey-dovey assholes who've bought into all the chocolates-and-roses nonsense.

But have no fear, fellow anti-Valentiners. We at Cultist have compiled a foolproof list of things you should avoid doing on Valentine's Day. If you avoid them all, going to sleep alone that night will be just like any other night. And if you're still pissed that you're missing out on sexy time, try to put off dialing that booty call until the 15th. It's far less cliche.

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5. Take a walk along the path you used to with your ex.
What are you, a masochist? It's bad enough you have to endure the painstaking realization that your sorry ass is alone this year -- don't make it worse by accidentally on purpose stumbling upon that old walk you guys used to take. Do yourself a favor and opt for the alternate route.

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4. Go out for dinner.
This is one night throwing that frozen pizza in the oven and popping in a favorite, non-romantic comedy is okay. It's one hundred percent acceptable, folks. Candlelit V-Day dinners are overrated, anyway. To seal out every possible ounce of romanticism from the scenario, turn your phone and computer off -- staying off the grid while you enjoy your flick will be a fine method to make you forget you're the only one of your friends not getting laid tonight.


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