Five Reasons to Give Your Middle Finger a Break
|The end of a bird-flipping era.|
...which, of course, made us flash back to M.I.A.'s Super Bowl halftime performance, during which the singer hoisted a middle finger of her own, for reasons beyond anybody's comprehension, perhaps even including her own...
...which, then, reminded us of the guy in the bright yellow SUV who cut us off on I-95 the other day, the one who still had the gall to change lanes, slow down beside us, and give us the finger, all while smiling behind some ridiculous Ray-Bans.
Case in point: Even if you're America's British sweetheart, when you present the one-fingered salute, you align yourself with douchebaggery. That means it's time to retire the middle finger.
Ask yourself: Have you ever been turned on by anyone flipping the bird? Unlikely. That's because raising your middle finger also has disastrous consequences for your face -- scrunchy, scowly, middle-finger-specific consequences that are in no way attractive. And let's be honest: even if you're telling a real jerk to fuck off, you need all the help you can get in the looks department.
It's hard to argue with the immaturity of the middle finger. After M.I.A. flipped off all of Footballwatchingdom, Madonna called the gesture a "teenager" move. Y'know what else teenagers are known for? Acne and body odor and Justin Bieber fandom. If you really want to piss a person off, just blast that "Baby" song at him until it's stuck in his head.