Miami's Top Public Sex Spots: Five Places to Get It On in the Open
|Flickr CC Bernhard Latzko|
|If they can do it, so can we.|
While we don't condone criminal acts (unless they're hilarious), we've compiled a list of the best places to bang wildly in public. Please keep in mind, these ideas are for educational purposes only. We're not responsible if you end up on the sex offender registry because you pulled your dong out in Kendall Ice Arena.
Note: Your definition of a "public place" may vary; for example, some people believe having sex in your car at a drive-in theater is public, whereas we like to think of our automobiles as tiny, private mobile homes. For the purposes of this article, we'll only consider it public if an object not owned by you or your partner grazes your ass cheeks.
|Phillip Pessar, Flickr|
|Someone's probably doing it in the Miami-Dade Public Library right now.|
The homeless have been jacking off in libraries since the Ancient Greeks invented library masturbation, so it's only logical to suggest couples get in on the, um, action. In order to pull this off, you'll need to assure yourself of a few things. First, there can't be any cameras around, or you'll be Pee Wee Hermaning your ass to the nearest clink. Second, screamers need not apply. Third, it's best if you do it in an aisle with shitty books, so no one with the intelligence to realize what you're doing is likely to walk by. The shelves where they stack all those stupid vampire romance novels are a good place to start.
All-out fucking might be difficult unless you find the right spot, but a recent short film with boner-inducing properties featuring Mila Kunis and Zoe Saldaña taught us that fellatio and finger play are not only possible, but encouraged.
This rates about a 7 on the Kobe Bryant romantic scale.