Five Reasons to Keep Bitching About Miami Traffic

Categories: Lists
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​Getting to work this morning was a bitch.

Earlier this week, Cultist's Hannah Sentenac gave us five reasons to STFU about the terrible traffic in Miami.

Soon, though, you'll find five reasons endorsing a ferociously whiny commute.

Our Magic City may not have ranked as the country's worst metropolis for commuters, but just we can't ignore the tweeting, stop-and-go bastard driving in front of us.

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Miami Herald
​​1. Downtown Miami is roughly 20 minutes from Kendall, but the drive east takes longer than an hour on weekday mornings. Even compared to the longest average commute in the nation, which is 35 minutes in New York, an hour and a half is an exorbitant time to be on the road just to go to work.

The data, gathered from the 2009 U.S. Census, also reports that commutes in Miami average up to 30 minutes, longer than the national average of 25. It probably doesn't help that less than 5 percent of commuters in Miami ride public transportation to work, compared to 10 percent in the L.A. area.

(As a bonus: The Census also reported that foreigners, Asians, and married people's commutes are longer than everyone else's.)

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​2. There is always construction. Starting in 2010, there have been six major construction projects on Miami's main highways, most of which are still not finished. These projects last years, cost up to $560 million each, and cause major delays on the Turnpike, SR 836, SR 826 and the Interstates.

Just this Wednesday, the entrance to the westbound I-195 at North Miami Avenue was entirely immobile around 3:00 p.m. The intersection at North Miami and NW 36th Street was mayhem: Horns bellowed; drivers cursed and passed each other going the wrong way on a narrow, crowded street, while SUVs halfway on the on-ramp drove over medians to escape the gridlock.

The changing traffic patterns cause our confused drivers, who are already among the meanest in the country, to take detours, miss appointments, and cause accidents. Which leads to the next point.

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12 comments
Rockicook
Rockicook

"We crash so often in Miami that our number of fatalities by car accident account for more than 10 percent of the national total"

Can you please confirm where you got this statistic from?

LeahSwanky
LeahSwanky

Not that I'm disagreeing that driving here is extremely hazardous, but I am curious where the 10% statistic came from, as it doesn't seem to match up with the numbers on the National Highway Traffic Administration's database.

VeganCycle
VeganCycle

As the price of gas goes up, the traffic will go down.  The first time gas go to $4, the roads were empty.  Everyone was on the train or bus.  We now need $6 per gallon to change attitudes here.  Drivers, get over yourselves! 

WTF Miami
WTF Miami

Don't forget about the crazy ass immigrants who came her and some how got behind the wheel. I got hit by one and got BEGGED not to call "La Policia."  because they would have been deported.That bitch better her count her lucky stars! This city SUX for driving!

Frank Pecorella
Frank Pecorella

lmao for the last 40 year I have drove and watched them work on the Palmetto Expressway and for the life of me I always wondered, why the called it an "Expressway"  but if you love Miami ( as I do) you have to love the traffic......

Christina Morejon
Christina Morejon

YES.  to everything you have said.  You also forgot to mention that over 1/2 the population is under the influence of either xanax and or cafe cubano!    BAD combo yo!  LOL

great article. LOL

Captainmeowmeow
Captainmeowmeow

hey i got a crazy idea get your fat ass out of your car and ride a bike 

remember you are not in traffic, you are traffic 

LeahSwanky
LeahSwanky

Apparently the New Times isn't interested in factchecking?!?!

Amazing Article
Amazing Article

So true.. I moved out of Miami for two years to Lakeland and I was so happy to even have the traffic. Miami is the best of the worst. Planning ahead is a Must, and you have to know your hours.

And if you live in Miami and are somehow incapable of feeling 90°F temperatures or sweating: a bike is the perfect death wish.

Maria Murriel
Maria Murriel

Won't ride a bike from one end of the county to another. Sorry, bud, Miami's too big for that. Please see #1.

VBMIA
VBMIA

 Did you read #3? Well, its not safe to drive, but its looking for an early death to ride a bike in Miami. Not to mention that it is NOT biker friendly in the first place.

Yosho2k
Yosho2k

Miami is spread out over a much larger area than most other major cities. In addition, the drivers in Miami are psychotic and in certain areas don't yield to pedestrians or bikers the way they're supposed to. Not to mention the fact that nobody in this city uses their turn signals.

If you're on the road and you're not in the car, you're a hit-and-run fatality.

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