Miami Spring Breakers: An Anthropological Study

This is how weeee dooo it...

It's spring in South Florida, and you know what that means: the annual migration of a truly fascinating breed, the common Spring Breaker.

So many of these specimens choose our home as their March and April vacation destination. Some make pilgrimages from far-off states in the Midwest. Others live and go to school here, shedding the skin of their normal, respectable lives for one week of Spring Break revelry. Either way, who could blame 'em? Miami and its environs offer anything and everything to people with some expendable dough and the freedom of not having to set their alarm clocks for seven straight days. And with the St. Patrick's Day overlap, the Breakers were in top form last weekend.

We studied the drinking, partying, and mating patterns of the common Spring Breaker in three Miami neighborhoods where spring breakers were getting their vacay on: Brickell, South Beach, and Westchester. Read on to see our Spring Break revelers in acción.

The pool is filled with coleslaw? No way, bro.

​The Derby Breaker in her natural environment
Tobacco Road had a helluva Spring Patty's celebration Saturday, which included an appearance by the fiercely gorgeous women of Miami's Vice City Rollers, our local roller derby team. You can tell the young lady above is the happy-go-lucky type -- and she's ready to throw down.

​The Barrel-Chested Lookie-Loo Breaker
Here, a couple guys (and apparently the Travelocity gnome) cheer on the lovely Derby Breakers, recording their antics to impress their peers back at the nest.

​Displays of Dominance
Two ladies from the Miami Vice City Rollers demonstrate how some women can simultaneously inspire in others both arousal and fear. We told you these bitches were fierce.