The Five Most Annoying Things About Miami
|Shit Miami Girls Say|
|Whatever she's saying, it involves "dale."|
Miami is no different. Hell, we're the most dominant city in a state constantly making headlines for stupid shit like "Bush gets elected because one state can't count." Spain has been secretly high-fiving itself for ceding Florida two centuries ago. That's not to say Florida is terrible or anything -- it has a number of redeeming qualities, like, water, and stuff.
Cultist loves Miami. Still, it's healthy to air your grievances. So we're going to list this town's most annoying qualities with zero regard to relevance or qualification -- exactly how the Republicans field candidates these days.
|Adam Bielawski, Wikipedia CC|
Stop it. FUCKING STOP IT RIGHT NOW. In addition to making music, Pitbull has done a lot of other harmful things to human society. Introducing "dale" to the mainstream Miami lexicon is one of those egregious lapses in judgment.
In the 13th century, Genghis Khan raped and pillaged 1/3 of the planet. It's estimated that roughly 0.5% of the world's population is a descendent of Khan, which goes to show his utter rampaging of the lands. He killed millions and conquered enough geography to make Alexander the Great shit his skirt.
We'd rather go back in time and poke him with a stick repeatedly than hear anyone say "dale" ever again.
4. Homeless people with elaborate stories / Homeless "I'll watch your car" guys
If you've ever walked around downtown for more than 20 seconds you've probably encountered someone who comes up to you and gives you one of these: "Hey, you speak English?" It starts out innocently enough until you realize he hasn't showered since Lindsay Lohan was hot. Then he follows up some bullshit sob story which he precedes with, "I'm not going to ask you for money, I swear," right before asking you for money.
In the same vein, the guys who will "watch your car" for you in the shadier areas of Miami. They give you no guarantee that they'll stop any sort of crime in progress, only that they'll watch it go down and probably leave before you suspect them.