Magic City Episode Four: Blowjobs and Other Life-Threatening Pursuits

Categories: Film and TV
Vera hobnobbing with Mrs. Kennedy?
For a first class luxury hotel, Magic City's Miramar certainly does have a ton of death and injuries revolving around it. Granted, 1959 was far before the invention of Yelp, so you couldn't just dash off a three star review because the blonde prostitute in the parking lot got killed. Still, you'd think word would get around.

We open on the funeral of Mike Strauss, who is now 100 percent confirmed dead, as opposed to his previous just-kind-of-suspected-to-be-dead status. But before they can give him a proper Jewish sendoff, White Dude: District Attorney is back on the scene to dickishly take the body in for a third autopsy. Why do you have to be so thorough with your job, WD:DA?

This is a very Danny-heavy episode, which, um, OK. Every character needs his own episode to flesh out his back story and personality, we guess, and so far all we know about Danny is that he is sweet but dense. By the end of the episode we also know that he is sweet and VERY dense.

Danny fails to see that White Dude: District Attorney is trying to pin the Strauss case on his dad. In a hotel full of women who seemingly will sleep with anyone who will look them in the eye for longer that 15 seconds, he struggles to get past first base with his chaste gal-pal who is preoccupied with getting a relative out of Cuba. Oh, and he gets bopped in the head and has to go to the hospital when someone breaks into Stevie's room. In contrast, his brother spent most of the episode having sex with Judi. But hey, you keep doing you, Danny.

At the hospital, Ike and Stevie reminisce about their dead wife/mother, which is awkward for Vera who had to deal with the Mahjong partners being bitchy and trying to go to lunch with Jackie Kennedy. But then Stevie placates her by convincing her that much like at the Olive Garden, she's family. Speaking of family, where are they hiding their daughter? We'd speculate (fat camp), but there is more sex and violence to discuss.

And you can't have sex and violence without the Butcher, who gets his wife to masturbate for him as he watches from a glass ceiling from the second story of his mansion. Did private windows where you can watch people rub one off as you pretend you are God come standard with houses in the '50s, or did you have to install them? We missed that episode of I Love Lucy. Oh, he also contracts someone to kill Judi because she is too close to the Strauss case.

The Butcher likes the Old Testament God: Vengeful and Watches Ladies Masturbate

But in a twist of fate where another woman wore Judi's wig, mixed with the classic BET ComicView lesson of all white girls looking alike, the shooter kills another blonde prostitute accidentally while she gives a dude fellatio in a car. Magic City is a show with a simple message: Oral sex in motor vehicles is deadly!

The episode ends with the burial of Mike Strauss, whose body was retrieved by Ike leaning on a government stooge's gambling debt, set to some decidedly not 1959 music. You can't have Sinatra play the Miramar every week. Fitting though, that for an episode with so much discussion of God and religion we go out on a burial. Oh, and the dude who broke into Stevie's room now has the pictures of him with the butcher's wife. But we doubt that is the sort of thing that will come back up in future episodes, they'll probably just continue to stick to the thrilling story of Vera trying to get Jackie Kennedy for a dinner. We'll just have to wait until next week to find out!

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Wanted to give this show a fair shake because of the locale but it's abysmal. I felt my btrain rotting with each passing minute.

Not going to waste more time with this dreck, sorry. 

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