Saw at Sea: A Torture Porn Vacation From Boca Raton's Sick-Minded Travel Agents

Saw II
"I missed the Pool Olympics? Nooooo!"
We've said it once, and we'll say it again: Cruise travel is a horror-show.

And it looks like Carnival Cruise Lines was listening.

Saw at Sea, a special cruise itinerary with the theme of the popular torture porn film series Saw, is a real trip that will set sail from New York City August 11. No, we're serious. In addition to the standard cruise travel torture of buffet meals and spending your days stranded on an enclosed ship with thousands of strangers, Saw fans can meet the series' stars, attend screenings of the movies, and even participate in a Saw tattoo contest.

Of course, an idea this bad didn't originate in New York City. No, we must give credit where it's due: to Boca Raton Travel & Cruises, the travel agency organizing the cruise. Call their toll-free number to book and ask for Dee or Laurie, two cheerful-sounding names that are almost certainly not just pseudonyms used by psychotic serial killers luring twisted souls to the blood-splattered, soundproof torture arena in their swampy basement.

At the very least, we like to think Dee and Laurie are in on the joke inherent in combining the most torturous way to travel with one of the most torturous movie franchises of all time. But here's the best part: Specialty cruises like this rarely sell out entire ships at a time. Rather, the events usually draw small, niche crowds who enjoy their themed activities separately from the bulk of the passengers, mingling with the rest of the passengers in-between.

So picture yourself on a cruise, adrift in the waters off Nova Scotia. You're sunburned, surrounded by loud, whiny kids and overweight, drunk adults. Now imagine that a strangely large number of your fellow passengers seem to want to watch you hurt yourself, and that at least one of them looks like this:

He just wants to borrow your sunscreen.
Happy sailing!

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Beyond bizarre, but then again, I think Carnival will cater to ANY market.

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