Ten Reasons We Should All Just Agree That Tampa Sucks

By Ciara LaVelle Fri., Apr. 20 2012 at 11:30 AM

via Tripadvisor.com

Tampa: Miami Lite.

Oh no they didn't.

In a cheeky little column this morning, the Tampa Tribune announced that the Cuban sandwich is now Tampa's official sandwich. It went on to claim that the Tampa version of that sandwich is superior to Miami's. Between jabs at the 305's personal injury lawyers and Tony Montana references, writer Jeff Houck makes the case that Tampa's cubano is more Cuban than Miami's because its flavors are inspired by Italian and German immigrants. (What?)

Granted, the attack on us wasn't unprovoked; it came in response to a Miami Herald piece dissing the culinary acumen on Florida's west coast. And normally, far be it from us to defend the Herald. But this isn't the first time Tampa's tried to steal our glory. This isn't about newspapers. This is about Miami. This is war.

So forget the sandwiches, and read on for 10 reasons the 305 kicks the ass of the, um, what's Tampa's area code again? Oh, right, no one cares.

billwisserphoto.com

Miami Flavor
Even if we give Tampa the Cuban sandwich -- and let's be clear; we do not -- there's still plenty of food on Miami's side. We've got James Beard Award nominations coming out our ears, and plenty of winners. We've got celebrity chefs galore. And we've got the South Beach Wine and Food Festival bringing the flavors of the world to our backyard every year. If we're ever on death row and get to request our last meal from any local restaurant, well, let's just pray we're not being charged in Tampa.

Party On
Yeah, it's a cliche. But it's an awesome cliche. Next to cruise passengers and reality show contestants, partying is Miami's greatest export. Our clubs and bars are countless. Dozens of new DJs visit us every week to spin for the party-crazed masses. Our open container laws are pretty much a joke. And it all adds up to one legendary scene. When Tampa kids really want to throw down, they come to us. Period.

Celebrity Endorsements
We can't think of a single A-list celebrity who hasn't visited Miami. Hell, it's hard coming up with names of stars who haven't owned property in this town. Tampa's most famous celebrity resident, as far as we can tell, was Bubba the Love Sponge.

Fake Culture
Is Tampa the new Miami when it comes to reality TV casting? In short, no. And it doesn't hold a candle to Miami in terms of the number of TV shows that are set in Miami, or ones that are filmed here. Tampa's just not entertaining, y'all. Don't even.

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ilovemiami123

The people of tampa need to travel more like miami-ans do, go visit California, LA, SD, SF go visit honolulu, waikiki, maui, go visit italy and france and then go back to tampa and see it for what it really is! Open your eyes !

ilovemiami123

Tampa has an inferiority complex, tampa people who have never left Tampa and never visited Miami aka sofla are delusional and think that tampa is actually a well known and big time city when it's really just a big town. Bunch of northerners from cold tiny towns with populations of less than 10,000 move to tampa, don't bother visiting other more developed areas of FL and then mistakenly think Tampa is great. I have lived all over the state of Florida, and visited all the places worth visiting and Tampa is by far my least favorite in the entire state. I have visited Naples, Sarasota, Bradenton, North port, Orlando lived everywhere from Palm Beach to Davie to Fort Lauderdale to Boca and Tampa has got nothing on the SE area of Florida. Tampa is nothing. The people are boring and delusional and very small minded, the old people are very rude, racist and ignorant and there are so many rednecks in pasco/polk county and pinellas county (yeah I know pinellas is clearwater but no one cares okay its all the same thing because the area is so small) the women in Tampa are dogs, they're gritty af don't expect SoBe babes in tampa unless they are actually from SoBe/miami. The only hot women are the ones from Miami. There is just nothing in Tampa, there isn't even a real beach, the only real beach is in clearwater and it sucks, its full of old people and fat people covered in trashy tattoos or delusional girls who think they're fit when theyre really just 5's compared to SoBe standards. ABRE LOS OJOS. Tampa you need to wake the F up, you are not in the big leagues you are the minor leagues for Miami stop talking big like you're actually something when you are not. Everyone knows miami has the best cuban sandwiches I'm not even going to start picking that apart because tampa is just full of silly people. Fashion in tampa is pretty messed up too, it was voted one of the worst dressed cities in the U.S. a few years ago while the women of SoBe were voted the most beautiful in the U.S. Tampa ...... STOP you are not even a part of FL you're like New Alabama.

bucfever40

@ilovemiami123 Miami sucks dog dicks you asshole, I've been there plenty of times and YOU are so delusional if you think that the cesspool of the south is anything more than average, who the F cares about DJ and clubs, grow the F up asswipe, Tampa is quite accomplished without the help of Miami, we don't even discuss Miami up here, nobody gives a damn. We are the cigar capital of this country, Cubans migrated here way before Miami, and if you don't think you have fat ugly people in Miami, just look in the mirror you fucking retard!

meltinjohn3

I have been places in the USA and I can tell you, while Tampa may have its bad parts, it by no means is no worse at all than anywhere else. I lived in Portland Oregon even and I got bored there real quick after living there for a little bit and Sacramento city blows too. I realize Tampa has a more vibrant cigar scene, thats for starters.. the music scene is just as good, maybe even better. Now if anyone wants a hick town, come to Portland. I am serious. St Pete is even more appealing as well. All in all, Tampa is what you make it, just don't live off N Nebraska or MLK. Lutz might be a good place to live in the area as well and Brandon gets a bad rap.. while full of traffic and rude drivers, I think theres worse places to live. I truly do. Tampa for a small city has a nice skyline as well and I do like Hyde Park. I'd relocate to the Tampa Bay area again if I had a good offer.. I wouldn't refuse it.

Tamiamian

Eh, I can have just as good a time in Tampa as I can in Miami. But then again, annual wine festivals and celebrities aren't my bag. I guess I'm not shallow enough to buy into the glamour of this place.

"And now we have Marlins Stadium, with its flashy statue and flashier clubs."You know damn well you don't give a shit about the Marlins and the new ballpark. Don't even front. This town's full of fair weather fans all the way from American Airlines Arena to the New Times, apparently.

IamTampa

Miami is known for two things: Throwing down at an A-list party AND possibly getting killed moments after leaving that very same A-list party. To each their own I suppose.

Marshall Belay Felton

I'm from Tampa Bay and my family is from Liberty City/Overtown. Tampa is a smaller rural version of Ft. Lauderdale, not Miami. No place compares to Miami. If anyone has true claim to the 'Cuban Sandwich' it would be Cuba and Key West as it started there before the Cigar factor worker's brought it to Tampa.

The Sandwich Professor

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The entire concept of the "Cuban" sandwich was created in the United States. Either version has no actual history in Cuba itself.

Marshall Belay Felton

Then the title belongs to key West not Tampa

bucfever40

@Marshall Belay Felton Wrong again, the Cubans migrated to Tampa way before Key West, get over it already.

Info

Thank goodness we do not have this anymore.

http://baypop.com/video/Baypop...

It's Really Not Paradise

Can't say I really find either city all that great or compelling. Tampa is a snoozefest, no question, but Miami is grossly overrated in a LOT of categories.

A city that remains one of the poorest and least educated in the country might want to invest in a mirror and a healthy dose of reality before preening too much. Comprende?