Pepe Billete's Guide to Improving Memorial Day Weekend
But it doesn't have to be this way. If Miami -- its officials, its cops, and yes, its locals -- would stop acting like a bunch of comunistas, we could potentially turn this annual bayu into the best weekend of the year.
As a loyal supporter of la singuetta and all things 305, I would like to offer this simple plan of action to the powers that be on Miami Beach for dealing with future Memorial Day gatherings.
|Ivon David Rojas|
Speak favorably about "Urban Beach Week" to any local and the conversation becomes more awkward than introducing your black boyfriend to your racist abuela. Most Miamians believe that South Beach during Memorial Day is scarier than an unexpected deo en el culo. This weekend has a stigma for sure, but there is no reason to be scared. Urban Beach Week is no more dangerous than any other massive gathering of drunk comepingas. Yes, there are sapingos that show up and act how sapingos typically do, pero pa eso se invento la pata por culo. Fearing the beast only fuels its fire y Miami no le tiene miedo a nada, cojones! Not everyone coming to Miami this weekend is, or should be treated like, a dangerous criminal. Actually, 100 percent of the people coming to Urban Beach Week are dudes and chicks con tremendas ganas de singar y joder -- a prospect that I support completely.
PLP con el Racismo
El despingue nuclear that happens every year on Memorial Day has absolutely nothing to do with being black and everything to do with la chusmeria. It's los comemierdas que se piensan los guapos que le cagan la fiesta a los de mas, and those assholes come in every color. Coño, stop blaming everything on black people. Me estan jodiendo la muela con la morenita que vive al lado. Besides, everybody knows that there is nothing better in this world than una tortilla con dos morenas culonas! Baya, se me paro. Que rico, meng!