The Ten Best Things to Do in Miami This Weekend

Ciara Osorio

This week was cray, y'all. Thank Cultist, it's Friday!

We have so much lined up for you this weekend, it should be illegal.

One of the biggest and sexiest conventions is in town -- surely you've heard about it. The biggest names in porn are here in our quaint city, and they're ready to do dirty things to it.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Big Mango, anyway? Alexis Texas would know. Ron Jeremy would, too (sorry for the bad visual).

Aside from all the sexiness, we've got a load (mind out of the gutter, please) of other things to do during our 48 hours of freedom. Go out and have a good time, kids. Be outlandish. Be unabashed. You're in Miami, and that's what we're here for.

Here are the top ten things to do in our prudish city this weekend. (Hehe! Just kidding.)




Friday

• Cuban Pig-Out: It'll be the pachanga of the weekend. Bring extra guayaberas. Things will get sloppy.
• Exxxotica: Sex, porn, dildos, leather, Ron Jeremy (is that even a selling point?), stretching, etc.
• "Graphic Intervention: 25 Years of International AIDS Awareness Posters 1985-2010": No matter where you are in the world, everyone speaks "hope."
• Children of Paradise: Perhaps the appropriate snack to bring to this French flick would be macarons.
• Deep Roots: Why not, mon?

Saturday

• Wacoal Fights for the Cure at Macy's: Cure our lovely lady dairy pillows.
• Jesse Jackson: Comp Absolut from 10 to 11p.m., and a CD release performance? Yes!
• Spring Awakening: A rock musical based on those touchy subjects that are hard to swallow.

Sunday

• "Ragnar Kjartansson: Song": Six videos depicting the Icelandic musician during his prime.
• The Lion King: Kick it old school with one of the best shows on Broadway. Zazu and Rafiki will be there.

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