The Sports Haters' Guide to Avoiding the NBA Playoffs in Miami

Not for you? Not a problem.

Miami Heat mania is sweeping South Florida, which means that for the next week, every sports bar, Irish pub, and swank lounge will be full of rabid fans screaming and flailing with every dunk and swish.

That's great if you're a sports fan. But not everyone is enamored with the courtside charms of D-Wade and Lebron. Some people, well, just don't give a shit about the playoffs.

If you count yourself among that off-the-bandwagon minority, don't worry. We've got you covered with a list of places to avoid the traffic, the testosterone, and the trash talking that comes with playoff season. You don't have to stay home during Game Two tonight to avoid the headache. Just read on for plenty of fun ways to avoid the hysteria.

5. Eat Up
Far from the downtown American Airlines Arena traffic apocalypse, Catharsis is an oasis on Calle Ocho. This intensely calm, romantic eatery will make you lose yourself in pasta pillows of pear & gorgonzola. You'll forget playoff season ever happened. So chill out and eat up.

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No screens, no fans, no problem.

4. Toast to Sportslessness
Dark bars with no TVs are where it's at. Particularly if you're trying to avoid mainstream hysteria. And there are few darker or smaller than Miami Beach's The Room. This itty-bitty beer den serves up an impressive selection of brews. And because they won't be showing the game, you won't have to elbow dozens of rowdy fans out of the way to order one.