Five Literary Characters Who Needed Obamacare

Obamacare: Saving Literature's life?

The Supreme Court upheld Obamacare! Hooray, hooray! No more giving fake names at emergency rooms and trying to set broken arms with a tree branch and duct tape! 

Though we're thrilled to get affordable health care, we can't help but wish that Obamacare had been passed years and years ago. Just think of everybody it could have helped. It could have even changed the course of modern literature.

Just look at all the literary characters who could've benefited from a little socialized medicine.

Wikipedia CC

Tiny Tim
Obvious? Sure, it's obvious. But Obamacare makes it so that health insurance providers can't discriminate or drop patients because they would be too expensive to cover and are too sick. No more relying on scary ghosts to haunt your father's miserly, misanthropic boss to show how his penny pinching has put you on death's door. Tiny Tim would have gotten some pills to cure that nasty consumption of his, and while we're at it, could probably get some braces or a walker instead of having to rely on a crutch. Then he and his family can use the savings to have a Christmas meal every day! Joy!

Wikipedia CC

Captain Ahab
Let's face it: Ahab is a classic case of borderline obsessive personality, having driven himself crazy attempting to kill Moby Dick. He is in desperate need of therapy, which Obamacare could provide. He and his therapists can finally discover what exactly Moby Dick is a surrogate for. Is it his parents who died and made him an orphan at such a young age? Is it his wife and child he never sees? Maybe if Ahab had Obamacare he would have sought medical attention after his initial encounter with the whale instead of seeking out a life of vengeance against a dumb animal that can't understand his actions.