The Most Annoying Things About Miami, Summer Edition

Categories: Lists
miami_summer_sun.jpg
Dmireault/Flickr CC
Looking at this photo too hard will give you skin cancer.
Miami can be a great place to live. We mean that hypothetically, of course, in the same way people say things like, "The Marlins can win the World Series this year." All the ingredients are there, technically, but the divine intervention necessary to make either of those statements true has yet to be met. Between all the "COMPRO CARROS" texts and the shitty drivers, it's pretty damn easy to be a Miami hater.

We're only partially serious. There are a ton of awesome things about Miami, but every once in a while we need to stop and smell our own farts to stay humble. We've previously discussed some of the most annoying things about Miami, but now that it's summer, we thought we'd update that list with some seasonal quirks that are currently pissing us off. If your favorite thing to hate isn't on this list, maybe you should comment and bitch about its lack of inclusion like we know you will, you comemierda you.


kids.jpg
CC Wikipedia
All of these kids benefit from taxes and NONE have a job. Socialism.
5. Kids
Children are pieces of crap. School is not in place not to teach them how to be human beings; you learn that sort of thing after you get your high school diploma. No, school is there to keep those little pieces of crap concentrated in one place where they can do their damage under the supervision of grossly underpaid government employees. Each summer, however, we decide to let them roam free for a couple of months.

Every summer, millions of people die around the world, the northern hemisphere experiences heat waves and droughts or monsoons, and probably the next Hitler is born. Some people will claim that has nothing to do with kids being out of school for the summer, but maybe those people are in on the conspiracy.

4. Trading one Miami Heat for another Miami heat
As the NBA Finals wind down to an inevitable Heat victory, it starts getting so hot and sticky outside that not even a handful of baby powder will keep our balls fresh. Sure, people in places like Phoenix will scoff at our measly high temperatures in the mid 90s when they're averaging triple digits, but those desert dwellers don't even know how to pronounce the word humidity.

Phoenix heat can go fuck itself. It actually snows there occasionally, did you know that? The only snow we coming into Miami gets snorted before it hits the ground. It's that damn humidity. Humidity ensures three things: lush tropical fauna, frizzy hair, and...



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12 comments
tu_mai
tu_mai

This article = LAME

Sassa
Sassa

Oh yea...and another annoying thing about living here is that people still use the word "n1gger".  I cannot believe how often I hear it...and it isn't just coming out of the mouths of black people.  So ignorant and offensive.  

alsharptonpimpsniggers
alsharptonpimpsniggers

what about niggers abusing govt assistance thats annoying during summer winter spring and fall 

Sassa
Sassa

Hmmm...can we add the misogyny to the things I hate about living in Miami?  This goes for both males and females.  It's like we have gone back 30 years in time in equal opportunity but ahead 30 years in skankdom.   It sucks to be a beautiful but intelligent woman in Miami, during ANY season.  Too many spoiled guys getting laid by trashy chicks and too many trashy chicks benefitting from being trashy. 

David
David

Miami continuing to be one of the least educated cities in the country is my biggest drawback to life here, but that's a 365 Days a Year issue unfortunately!

Carlo J Guzman
Carlo J Guzman

people commenting need to slow down with the haterade. i know its hot but damn.

Andrew
Andrew

i am sick of shitty writing in new times

Kekeke
Kekeke

What an asshole.

svenpartymaan
svenpartymaan

Has it ever not been shitty? I figure it's just par for the course when reading New Times.

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