Pepe Billete: Why Miami Sports Fans Don't Suck

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See Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Miami Heat Haters.

Now that the Miami Heat have stuffed their haters' mouths with something to keep them gagging until the next season, I want to address another aspect of hate that extends beyond the Heat. Last week, I talked a little about how the general consensus among sports writers is that Miami has the worst fans in all of sports. In fact, that view is so pervasive, that many equivocados here in our beloved 305 seem to think it's actually true.

So this week, I want to dispel the two most popular complaints about Miami fans with a few facts that will shut all these comemierdas up for good.

Complaint #1: Miami Fans Don't Go to Sports Events
This is one of the first things you hear from every Miami-hating sapingo with a microphone or a blog. Game attendance is obviously a very good indicator of local support for teams and, in this category, Miami no se queda atras. Here is the average game attendance for each Miami team relative to the capacity of the venues they play in at home:

2011-2012 season
Heat: 100% of capacity (sold out every game!)
Panthers: 86% of capacity
Dolphins: 81% of capacity
Marlins: 75% of capacity (2012 season thus far)

Factor in the fact -- and I can't stress this enough -- that this is Miami, y aqui la jodedera y la puteria estan a la orden del dia and you'll start to realize that local attendance for sports events really isn't that bad at all! In fact, in the NHL, the difference between the #1 attendance record and the Florida Panthers is only about 5,000 people.

Complaint #2: Miami Fans Have No Loyalty
El sapingo que te diga esto es un tarru. Anyone who makes a bombastic statement like this clearly has no concept of what it takes to build a loyal relationship with anything other than his dick. It just so happens that this particular brand of bullshittery is mostly heard from northerners in cities with popular franchises, like Boston, New York, and Chicago. It should also be noted that these malparidos know as much about why their franchises are so popular as Drake knows about what it takes to be un macho de verdad.

Here's a little insight.

Real loyalty is built, not bought. It takes time for a team to build traditions, rituals, and, most importantly, a brand. With the exception of the Dolphins, every team in Miami is barely over 20 years old. The combined age of the Panthers, Heat, and Marlins doesn't even add up to the 86 years it took the Red Sox to win a championship between 1918 and 2004. Still not convinced? How about the fact that the city of Miami itself is only five years older than the Boston Red Sox team! With every passing season, a team builds its fanbase and interest in the sport. Coño, how many people in Miami do you think gave a shit about hockey before the Panthers came to town? Ni pinga!

I would actually go as far as to claim that Miami has one of the most loyal fanbases in all of sports. Pipo, the Dolphins have been the gonorrhea of football for the last 10 years and comemierdas like me still insist on buying season tickets every year. The Dolphin fanbase alone is proof that Miami is either full of diehard fans or masochistas que cagan dinero.

And don't get me started on los Hurricanes. The Miami Hurricanes are arguably the most popular team in college sports, and unlike our northern neighbors who also boast popular teams, UM has four professional sports franchises and a topless beach to compete with. Have you ever even been to Gainesville? Cojones, if you're not in college, what the fuck else is there to do besides hate the fact that you don't live in Miami? Beyond the student population, Gainesville is full of alcoholics y viejos pajosos. Of course they love the fucking Gators -- it helps them forget that their lives suck shit. Miami fans love UM because UM is the shit. Period.

Perhaps I'm a little biased because besides Guanabacoa, Miami is all I've ever known in my life. Pero, when you live in a city where championship celebrations include two local putas giving away free blow jobs to fans of the home team, you really have no grounds on which to question our loyalty. So once again, to all you Miami haters out there: mamame el tolete y VPLP.

Love,
P$

Follow Pepe on Twitter @PepeBillete.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
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14 comments
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Kendallkat
Kendallkat

a skinny lil coke head gets a little bit of fame.. and look at la MIERDA he writes!!  Cubans are soo great... cant you tell by how hialeah has progressed and flourished.

Kendallkat
Kendallkat

a skinny lil coke head gets a little bit of fame.. and look at la MIERDA he writes!!  Cubans are soo great... cant you tell by how hialeah has progressed and flourished.

Queenbfareal
Queenbfareal

reppin the 305 to the fullest !!!! heat and hurricane nation baby !!!!!

Rick
Rick

What a martyr you are. You could have saved 100 people with all the time you spent posting. 

Luigi
Luigi

Fair and balanced. #KeepItClassy

Luigi
Luigi

Let's not bash other towns, those towns are someone's hometowns and they feel pride the same we in Miami do. Instead, let's feel blessed, lucky and thankful we live in a geographically and nature-blessed location.

Droque
Droque

Great piece, funny as hell. I was born and raised in Miami but I currently live oversees . I'm usually 7 hours ahead of our magic city but at least once a week I pull all nighters to watch a game. The other night I scared the shit out of my wife when I yelled Dos Minutos!! at 430 in the morning. Loyalty

Albo973
Albo973

Thank you and much respect Jose. Its like I told Jazzy, its all good sport because we are passionate about our teams and others opinions when it strikes a nerve. There are worse things to get upset about, trust me I know. Classy is not my style except for when I have to be it but I'm rough around the edges, I've always been that way and thankfully I surround my self with people that can see past my brute ways and know what type a person I am that won't disappoint. Since you've been a real pro, classy even, I'll tell you what I do. I am a victim's advocate which means I help victims(mostly women and children) of a crime cope, go through the process but most importantly to move forward and make sure all resources are there within their reach. I love my Job but its not about me, forget me. Florida will reach that level of respect soon enough like the other historic teams. Fans like Jazzy and my good friend Felipe will prove haters wrong, just got to be patient. P.S. I hope "305 till I die" learns soon enough, can't judge a book by its cover

Albo973
Albo973

In all seriousness, I do support fans like you. The loyalist of a team and the dedication to be there when it's shitty and to still be proud, I respect that. My good friend Felipe is a hardcore Fins fan till his death and he feels the same way you do. Like I told Jose before, don't take my foul words to the heart because at the end they're just fuckin' words. It's all good sport Jazzy, don't get mad and stuff hermano because we are the same type of sports fans that stick by our team from begining to end no matter what. I just wanted to clarify and let you know that.

Albo973
Albo973

Hey "305 till I Die", I'll do a better spell check when you take your own advice. "U" is spelled "you", "Ur" is spelled "your" or "you're" depending on how "you" use it and using quotation like these "" doesn't emphasize anything except that you have nothing really except adding a strong tone but doesn't mean you proved "your" point. Oh and lets not start with excessive use of lol, smh, lmao, and especially nigga. I would love to see what "your" work resume looks like, I'm just kidding I know "you" dont know what that is. When did I talk about education?? I hope this helped you a little, glad "your" still around. I hope all is gud, I mean "good". P.S. "You" should have stayed in school. Oh there it goes, that's when I talked about education. Good eye "brah", that means "bro".

305 Till I Die
305 Till I Die

Nigga trying to talk about education and spells like a 2nd grader. LMAO Sounding like an MDC intellectual. Buy a dictionary Dr. Dipshit.

Albo973
Albo973

I'm glad you know that for a fact Jazzy but the truth is you have no idea. If I'm so full of shit then why do you tell me to grow up and learn some respect when apparently everyone's response here is something that involves pinga, how am I lowering myself to a level if you guys are there already. Lots of hypacrites here and I would have you know that I'm trying to agree with you but its hard to do that with you wanting my ass full of dick so just remeber that I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on ;) Stay true to your team like you said, you hit it right on the button. See, hard to agree when one insults you. I like you thou, you remind me of my father who tells you to do one thing and does the opposite himself. Be true to yourself Jazzy, you'll be the reason to prove haters wrong as far as sports fans in Miami. I really mean that if you can believe it.

Albo973
Albo973

It wasn't my cock, it was the city of Miami's. Thats's cool that you're a fan for life throught thick and thin and yes I agree Miami and S. Florida so far has been my favorite place so far. If your the true loyal fan then it's the others that give a bad name. Dude, don't be offended for PB. Be offended for those bandwagons that ruin it for you. I never lowered myself to that level, I was always at that level. I completely agree with you but you really didn't understand my comment from the begining so its kinda one sided now.

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