Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Miami Heat Haters

Categories: Comedy, Sports
VPLP Dan Gilbert 

Let me make this vehemently clear, pipo: You have no one to blame for LeBron leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers but yourself. Lebron's departure was not like the underhanded move Art Modell pulled in 1996, no matter how bad you wanted to convince people it was. No pipo, eso te paso por comemierda. You surrounded El LeBronsito with scrubs for seven long years. Que tu pensabas? That the most talented player since Jordan was just going to let you ruin his career? No jodas. Don't you think, if given the choice, LeBron would have preferred to achieve greatness in his hometown? Of course. Who wouldn't? Pero just like a textbook jinetera, abusastes de el y lo perdiste pa la pinga

If that doesn't sting, then hopefully knowing that your ineptitude almost destroyed your local economy does. When LeBron left, no one gave a shit about the Cavs. You wanna talk about bandwagon fans? Pipo, you could have sold tickets to a Coral Gables High School Cavaliers game faster than you could a Cleveland Cavaliers game in the 2012 season. You went from 2nd in attendance in 2010 to 19 in 2012. And you have the audacity to blame it on LeBron? Pipo your team is un mojon con pelo, and that rude awakening only came after your golden boy went on to bigger and better things. Maybe if you weren't so tacañao you could have kept the greatest player in basketball today. Maybe if you weren't such a horrible franchise owner, you could have helped your local economy flourish with the fruits that come with winning a championship. Pero ni pinga. La cagaste, but what else can you expect from the guy that wrote a ridiculous open letter to Cleveland fans following Lebron's departure that said, "I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE. You can take it to the bank." Take it to the bank, huh? Looks like your check overdrafted, comepinga.

And last but not least, 

VPLP Basketball Fans Born And Raised In The 305 That Hate On The Heat
It irks me that people like you exist. I'm not saying you can't like another team, pero acere, everybody knows you never turn your back on your home team! Do you have any idea what the Miami Heat do for the community? Do you even give a shit that the Heat generate millions of dollars for the local economy? Has it even crossed your mind that a team like this comes once in a generation and you are privileged enough to live in the city that hosts them? Ni pinga, you just hate because you like the attention it gets you. You relish in it, because it's the only time in your pathetic existence where the spotlight is shone on you and you become distinguishable from the herd. Well, guess what? All that attention just makes you look like un comepinga vende patria, and that image will never get you laid. 

Maybe I'm being too harsh, though. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you just don't want to look like a "bandwagon" fan. That's admirable. But I'm here to tell you not to worry about it. Jump on the bandwagon, pa la pinga. Everybody loves a winner, who cares? Just stick around when the chips are down and eventually no one will question your loyalty.

Miamians, it is your god-given right to love the Heat, coño! The entire country hates us. And just us. Not Florida, not Orlando, not South Florida, but us. The 305. Yet despite all that animosity, jealousy, and mal de ojo, we still managed to come out on top -- middle fingers in the air and yelling PLP CON TODO EL MUNDO! How can you not want to be a part of that? Dale, coño, enjoy it, que los Dolphins no sirben pa nada

Follow Pepe on Twitter @PepeBillete.

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14 comments
Albo973
Albo973

Ok, for the record so that everyone is clear. Miami fans of what ever sport you follow, you are not the worst sports fans but are far from being the best sports fans and this is in general terms and not as an individual. Its just the number of real loyal fans in Miami are always gonna be out numbered by the older and larger cities. It takes decades to have the soiled and flourished rich sports history but one day you guys will be there. It's the other Miami fans that give the loyalist a bad name, the one's we call band wagons. I know people that have been heat fans since they lived in S. Florida and I've met those that became fan's when you guys got Shaq and even last year when you guys got Lebron or the worst are  the fans that join in because its the "in" thing to do and don't really care cause they want to join in on the fun and not be left out. Look at the floorside seats and tell me if some of these people really follow sports, they're just there because they got money and want to socialize and showoff. Maybe a few but not all, just sayin'. Its a great destination and will get better eventually, you just got to wait it out. Think of " field of dreams" eventually it will come but we got to be realistic also. 

Albo973
Albo973

I guess living in Uganda, Cuba, Iran, Etheopia, and places like where you have very little to no rights at all must be delightful and leaving  a country so you can live freely is just stupid and lacking of self-respect like you said. Easily said when you are born in America. Oh, and before you call me a maricon I would have you know sir that I am straighter than the pole your mother dances on.

Paporad
Paporad

If you live in Miami and you dont understand, even the mispelled spanish words from pepe, your a big sapingo. Does that really bother you cmon dont be such a comepinga.

Jose Marchese
Jose Marchese

All that shit he said about the haters that are from Miami is true. They just wanna get attention cuz they swear it makes them look badass...lol clase de come pingas

A Yahoo! user
A Yahoo! user

What are you talking about?  The last Dolphins game not to sell out was on October 18, 1998....where have you been my friend?  14 seasons, many of which have been horrendous, of consecutive sell-outs.  Yes, some were bought up at the last minute by local TV stations, but its been 14 years.  Dolphins fans have now had 2 full generations to see their team, and that is what every team needs.....generations of fans that builds allegiance to a team.  With the Marlins, wie're less than half way there.    

Ivonne J
Ivonne J

 Mijito....no seas tan ignorante!!! So what if ppl that jst got here want to celebrate??WTF!!! What's really bad and the point of this article is the HATE that these commentators and the country feel for the HEAT!! I was jst in Boston and had a guy tell me he was praying that LeBron"s injury was a torn acl! Disgusting!!! You should be ashamed to say that u r Cuban or whatever and "don't believe in any pride"! That statement is downright shameful! Although I am not Cuban...I could never, ever agree with you that Cubans are followers not leaders! You state that "you give credit to the gringos", and then you state "these idiots will stand up and make a mess", are these idiots the same ppl that allowed your Cuban family to enter into this country? The country for which you feel no pride?  I would state that although you dont think so...your family did lead inasmuch as they left Cuba to come to this great Country and give you a better life.  Too bad your are such and Ungrateful, Malparido, Mamatranca, Cometranca, and lastly as Pepe Billete would say COMEPINGA!!!

Olga
Olga

oye papito eres tremendo comepinga.  What the eff' are you talking about the generations have gotten darker... que clase de estupido eres.  Spaniards loved dark meat honey.  Never heard of the poem "y tu abuela adonde esta" by Luis Carbonell??? It is a critcism of Cubans that deny having black in their blood.  It was written en el ano de la bomba... this isn't something relatively new.  "Cubans" such as yourself that, when, are called out as being racist, say "yoooo racista?!?!?, pero si yo viva en Guanabacoa, y todos mis amigos eran negros".  Tu Crees que los cuerpos y los culos que tienen las Cubanas es de mentira? No papito, the traits of the motherland are very strong.  Mi vida I sense that you are un Cubano arrepentido.

Tre
Tre

Shout out 305...Homestead, Naranja!! Moody Drive!!

PolterM
PolterM

You're a moron verdad?

Luis Gonzalez Jr
Luis Gonzalez Jr

im cuban but i dont believe in any pride especially to my own race but the fact is yea through out the years the generations have changed to the darker heritage, that has happened through time but wasnt the majority a long time ago. i was trying to insinuate about being a follower people cant name more then the 3 players of the heat and they go buck wild for shit they dont know about, ill give more credit to the gringos that burn their cars and flip them who know everything, these idiots will stand up and make a mess for something stupid but if it comes to politics to make a stand or a protest they stay quiet. majority of cubans are followers not leaders

CubanPride
CubanPride

This is the most ignorant statement I've ever read. "3black basketball players represent a city of Cubans"? Really? I guess the fact that a good majority of the notable athletes and musicians that have come out of he island being black is irrelavent huh? Did u know that MORE than 60 percent of the population on the island right now is black u stupid fuck? Probably not, cuz ur just a racist idiot who just yells "cuban pride" without actually knowing anything about his heretige. And FYI, the 2 most popular sports on the island are baseball and Judo. Do u see many Judo competitions being hosted in miami, this being the mekka of Cuban tradition and all? no right? It's called assimilation dipshit. Look it up.

Luis Gonzalez Jr
Luis Gonzalez Jr

Words of the wise from Pepe billete. . .NOT REALLY. who would of known 3 black basketball players can represent a city full of Cubans that their heritage was more into baseball. This is where the term bandwagon comes in good; people that might not even know the game just getting into the country go crazy SURE

Luis Gonzalez Jr
Luis Gonzalez Jr

pepe billete a figure over 14 inches with a fist up its rear, he looks more like the compinga and team pepe writing in this for him

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