Let me make this vehemently clear, pipo: You have no one to blame for LeBron leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers but yourself. Lebron's departure was not like the underhanded move Art Modell pulled in 1996, no matter how bad you wanted to convince people it was. No pipo, eso te paso por comemierda. You surrounded El LeBronsito with scrubs for seven long years. Que tu pensabas? That the most talented player since Jordan was just going to let you ruin his career? No jodas. Don't you think, if given the choice, LeBron would have preferred to achieve greatness in his hometown? Of course. Who wouldn't? Pero just like a textbook jinetera, abusastes de el y lo perdiste pa la pinga.
If that doesn't sting, then hopefully knowing that your ineptitude almost destroyed your local economy does. When LeBron left, no one gave a shit about the Cavs. You wanna talk about bandwagon fans? Pipo, you could have sold tickets to a Coral Gables High School Cavaliers game faster than you could a Cleveland Cavaliers game in the 2012 season. You went from 2nd in attendance in 2010 to 19 in 2012. And you have the audacity to blame it on LeBron? Pipo your team is un mojon con pelo, and that rude awakening only came after your golden boy went on to bigger and better things. Maybe if you weren't so tacañao you could have kept the greatest player in basketball today. Maybe if you weren't such a horrible franchise owner, you could have helped your local economy flourish with the fruits that come with winning a championship. Pero ni pinga. La cagaste, but what else can you expect from the guy that wrote a ridiculous open letter to Cleveland fans following Lebron's departure that said, "I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE. You can take it to the bank." Take it to the bank, huh? Looks like your check overdrafted, comepinga.
And last but not least,
VPLP Basketball Fans Born And Raised In The 305 That Hate On The Heat
It irks me that people like you exist. I'm not saying you can't like another team, pero acere, everybody knows you never turn your back on your home team! Do you have any idea what the Miami Heat do for the community? Do you even give a shit that the Heat generate millions of dollars for the local economy? Has it even crossed your mind that a team like this comes once in a generation and you are privileged enough to live in the city that hosts them? Ni pinga, you just hate because you like the attention it gets you. You relish in it, because it's the only time in your pathetic existence where the spotlight is shone on you and you become distinguishable from the herd. Well, guess what? All that attention just makes you look like un comepinga vende patria, and that image will never get you laid.
Maybe I'm being too harsh, though. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you just don't want to look like a "bandwagon" fan. That's admirable. But I'm here to tell you not to worry about it. Jump on the bandwagon, pa la pinga. Everybody loves a winner, who cares? Just stick around when the chips are down and eventually no one will question your loyalty.
Miamians, it is your god-given right to love the Heat, coño! The entire country hates us. And just us. Not Florida, not Orlando, not South Florida, but us. The 305. Yet despite all that animosity, jealousy, and mal de ojo, we still managed to come out on top -- middle fingers in the air and yelling PLP CON TODO EL MUNDO! How can you not want to be a part of that? Dale, coño, enjoy it, que los Dolphins no sirben pa nada!