The Spice Girls Musical, and Five Other '90s Artists Who Should Go Broadway

Salt-N-Pepa
This practically writes itself: Spinderella is an orphaned DJ forced to live in the shadows of Salt and Pepa, obeying the command of the wicked Queen Latifah. When her fairy Godmother (also Queen Latifah) grants her a night of her dreams so she can go to Freaknik for one night, she falls madly in love with Prince D'Angelo. Unfortunately, she runs off before she is turned back into an average DJ at midnight, leaving a single Nike Pump for D'Angelo to find her again. Will her foot fit the shoe? Only if she pushes real good...



Korn
Finally a musical for the nu-metal heads out there. Korn frontman and noted Libertarian Jonathan Davis could take this opportunity to entertain and inform by updating Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged and basing the music off of their 1998 album Follow The Leader. Liberals conspire to have the Family Values Tour be publicly subsidized, at the same time whitewashing the festival to exclude that rockin' nu-metal sound. Korn has only a week to save the day by delivering a rousing speech on Objectivism to Congress followed by a 30-minute version of "Freak on a Leash."



Woodstock '99
A tragedy, obviously. Woodstock '99 served as the death knell for the idealism of Nineties cultures and a harbinger of the darker days ahead in the 2000's. Take the music of any of the bands you can get, Rock of Ages style, and frame it as an Opera, with each day of the festival being an act of the show. The festival starts bright and cheery, but after three days of jacked up water prices, hell breaks loose with arson and assaults. By the end, all that is left is the chorus of MTV News correspondents Kurt Loder, John Norris and Sway to survey the damage. Finally, a Gimme Shelter for our generation.

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