Gallery Girls, Episode Two: Budgets, Bitches, and Flying Bechamel

Categories: Film and TV

Some fluffy-haired dudes pick up on those vibes, and turn on the charm -- by sticking a finger into the girls' shared macaroni and cheese. It's kind of like the strawberry scene from the Miami episode of Louie, except you don't really like anyone on your television screen. The guys are rude and pushy, and say some racist line about Asian month to Angela. But that's not the girls' problem with them. "I get very offended when unattractive men hit on me," Chantal complains. When they finally do shut the guys down, one dude grabs a fistful of pasta and shoves it into his mouth, messily spraying Angela with food in the process. She awesomely (if belatedly) grabs her own fistful of macaroni and nails him in the back with it as the guys leave. Hooray, Angela! More food fights, fewer lace bodysuits, please.

The next unofficial official Gallery Girls event is an art auction hosted by Simon de Pury, who not-so-coincidentally happens to be a judge on Bravo's Work of Art. Kerri and Amy are there with their boss, Maggie's there with her boyfriend Ryan, allegedly on Eli business, and the Brooklyn girls are there to roll their eyes at everything. They sit right in front of Maggie and Ryan, who helpfully taps Claudia on the shoulder and tells her, "Your shirt's on backwards." Claudia and Chantal then have a lengthy, whispered discussion about whether her shirt is, in fact, on backwards. "Is it on backwards? It could be on backwards," Claudia worries, and I love that this one comment from a "bro," as she described him last week, has sent her into such a tailspin of self-doubt. Her unexpressed meathead Manhattanite fantasies are clearly messing with her head. Go bag a beefcake, Claudia!

We've had several unlikely moments of awesome in this episode so far. Liz continues to be the queen of observational humor. Angela have well-deserved douchebags some pasta to wear home. Claudia has a kick-ass work ethic when it comes to End of Century. But this episode's star is Maggie, all the way. And this is why: Even after getting snubbed by the Brooklynites in last week's episode, Maggie makes nice with the girls at the auction -- but in the most spectacular, super-bitchiest way possible. If there were just an ounce more sneer in her smile, or just a tiny bit more saccharine sweetness in her tone of voice, she'd be openly mocking the Brooklyn girls to their faces. Instead, she mocks them for the cameras without anyone else noticing. The girls invite her to eat, and she declines, all "Ohh, I'm sooo tired," when what she really means is, "Bitch, please."

Amy's there, too, over-enthusing all over everyone. "I'm not sure if if she's totall faking it, or if she just takes too many antidepressants," Chantal says. In any case, she heads to the restaurant with Chantal, Claudia, Angela, and Kerri, and orders herself a lychee martini. Angela, of course, is unimpressed with the hipness of Amy's drink choice. Watch yourself, Angela -- half of the Bravo TV audience has a lychee martini in their hands at this very moment. Kerri describes Chantal as a darker version of Mary-Kate and Ashley, just so we all know we're on the same page here. Then she ducks out without paying, which is kind of funny, considering she's the only one of them with an actual paying job.

After she leaves, Amy goes off about Kerri and the Upper East Side and why Kerri's rude and Amy's the best because Amy dresses well. It's all a big blustery monologue, barely covering up the girl's myriad insecurities, and it makes me sad. Who hurt you, Amy?

Later, Kerri struggles to juggle her two jobs. Bagels must be delivered to the airport. Paintings must be picked up. Can one woman really have it all? Yawn.

Maggie, meanwhile, gets sent to Brooklyn, which might as well be West Texas to hear her describe it. Maggie does this thing when she talks where she scrunches her whole mouth over to one side of her face, and then talks out of that side in a low, deadpan tone, particularly when she's upset or frustrated. I'm almost certain I've seen Kristin Wiig do it as some wacky character on SNL. In any case, it's highly entertaining when she does this as she says, "I hate Brooklyn." Then she says Brooklyn's ready for a zombie apocalypse, and I'm like, honey, you are not even in Miami yet.

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