Gallery Girls, Episode Five: Deep Thoughts With Angela Pham

via BravoTV.com

Angela's ready for her photo show; Angela's sleeves are ready for Medieval Times.

See Gallery Girls Episodes One, Two, and Three.

First, an apology: Labor Day travel delays prevented us from reviewing last week's episode of Gallery Girls. We received emails from readers begging us to review the show, because if we didn't do it, they might have to actually watch the thing. Alas, it was too late. Blame the failing airline industry.

Thankfully, last night's episode gave us plenty of material to make up for it: Angela's long-awaited solo photography exhibit; dirty, ugly, commercial art taking over End of Century (with masks and play-acting!); and so, so much time spent with Maggie and her awesomely crooked expressions. Let's do this.

Previously: Maggie's unhappy at Eli's gallery. End of Century's making no money. Liz and Amy finally had it out over an awkward brunch. Angela's photo show is giving her all kinds of grief, which she's helpfully passing along to her friends.



Toaster filter into Angela's apartment. Her venue friend calls her on her smashed-up iPhone to let her know he found a venue for her show. It's a shoe store. Somehow, Angela is excited about this. The shoe store also demands the show be held that same week, and Angela begrudgingly accepts. Desperation, thy name is Angela.

The other Brooklyn witches have problems of their own. EOC is still making no money, so Chantal decides to have a meeting with a "more commercial" artist who calls himself The Sucklord. Oh, this will be fun. Chantal is late to the meeting, probably because she was busy doing yoga and drinking French press coffee, so Claudia's left to deal with The Sucklord, who is this squirrelly little dude with molest-y facial hair showing off altered action figures and special edition toilet paper called Asswipe.

Remember the empty wooden frames and cloud paintings hanging in EOC earlier this season? This is like taking a negative image of that stuff, then melting it onto the face of a Transformers action figure. So, uh, not the aesthetic Claudia wants to see at EOC. She's trying so hard to control her face and it is not working. When she tries to explain her vision for EOC, Sucklord says, "It's chick flick stuff." "Yeah," Claudia says, "we listen to Joni Mitchell all day and cry, and then we try to sell some art." Zing! I like this new Claudia.



Weirdly, I'm also coming around on The Sucklord. He's basically the real life art world version of Mad Men's Michael Ginsberg -- you know, the new, super-intense copywriter with no social skills whatsoever but who's also maybe a genius? Except I'm not sure The Sucklord is a genius. In any case, there's a real antagonistic Peggy Olson/Michael Ginsberg dynamic between Mr. Suck and Claudia until Chantal shows up and basically books the guy herself.

Back in Poshville, Maggie's mom calls her on her cracked-up iPhone. Are destroyed iPhones a badge of honor in New York? All these girls have 'em. Maggie says she's bringing her boyfriend Ryan home to hang out with the family.

Amy, on the other hand, has her family come to New York instead for a dinner party. She invited Liz, even after their strangely calm "this is why I dislike you" discussion last week, because "I'm trying to be the bigger person," Amy says. This is code for "the producers made me do it," or perhaps, "I am so very, very lonely inside." Both Chantal and Claudia cancel on the party due to "illness," which seems to confirm my "so lonely" theory. But Kerri, Maggie, and Angela show up, along with Ryan and his bro crew. Angela makes a point of reminding everyone that she came all the way from Williamsburg, because she's such a great friend to leave her home in The Hippest Place In The World just for this pedestrian soiree.

All the girls are awed/instantly jealous of Amy's enormous apartment, which, Maggie points out, is decorated for old people. She's not kidding; my in-laws have those exact same curtains. (Sorry, in-laws!) Angela points out that Amy's apartment is "large, expensive, and gaudy -- just like Amy," and just for a moment, I kind of love Angela.

Maybe that party went longer than expected, because Amy's late for work the next day. Sharon gives her a stern talking to in a very soothing voice, and I'm pretty sure this is the producers setting her up to get canned.

Next, Angela prints her photos for the show, talks a lot about solitude and moroseness and pops of color, and I'm already too bored to finish this sentence.