Miami's Five Biggest Sapingos: September Edition

Pepe-1.jpg
Photo by Stian Petter Roenning
Last Sunday morning, estaba cojiendo tremenda nota en after hours y la nota me dio una idea to dedicate one of my weekly articles to naming the five biggest sapingos in Miami for each month.

See also:
- Pepe Billete's Guide to After Hours
- Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Micky Arison
- Pepe Billete's past columns

Bueno, ya no te doy mas muela. Aqui lo tienen.





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5. Thug Life
Yesterday, a 23-year-old piece of shit was arrested in Clearwater for shooting at Hialeah police officers in a drive-by style shooting on Okeechoobee Road. Yo no se lo que se piensa el comepinga este, but unfortunately for him, even shooting at cops with an AK-47 isn't enough to distract people's attention from the fact that he looks a cross between Pitbull circa 2004 and a shaved bird.

pitbull_shaved_bird.jpg
Images via Ozonemag.com, Barcroft Media
Coño, no es por nada, pero I lived in Hialeah in the '90s and I used to see gangeritos like this in Lago Grande and Mango Hill all the time. Guys like this would spend $200 on an 8-pack gold grill at USA Flea Market y se hacian los guapito so they could drink quarts of "Old E" and fuck chongas with no condoms in the cave at Amelia Earhart park.

Besides fathering some unwanted children and playing host to a few chlamydia outbreaks, they were pretty harmless, but every once in a while, you'd have that one rasca huevo who listened to the Makaveli album one too many times and suddenly started committing crimes like he was the lead actor in the balsero version of Boyz n the Hood. This comepinga is no different.

Fortunately, they caught this mojon atravesado. And between what he's charged with y los ojitos eso, I think it's safe to assume that this dipshit will be trading in gunshots for dick shots in the face for a long time to come.


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54 comments
thisisraphael
thisisraphael

@JELazar so damn funny! Still laughing five minutes later. Let's get together in Miami soon. I'm in NYC right now but we're there for a bit.

JELazar
JELazar

@alejandropinero just read that entire thing. Lmao. Pipo!

mrsmalav
mrsmalav

@PepeBillete LMFAOOOOOOO

dayii622
dayii622

@PepeBillete you CRACK me up !!

lazarocasanova
lazarocasanova

@PepeBillete lol coñio you brought me back to lago grande. Lived there in elementary school.

mfhc
mfhc

the shula curse is on,get use to it miami,as i watched your little darling jimmy johnson set the shoes up on hbo for a firing by saying that with this team he should be going to a super bowl i knew exactly what was going to happen and then you went out and hired the piece of crap the tuna i knew i would have laughing material for years to come and i was right,the only way the marlins will ever be a team with sell out crowds is if they are moved to the american league east, every game would be sold out,i have said this from day one,yankees,red  sox,baltimore,toronto, all these games would be sold out but when they had the chance to do it they instead let tampa bay stay in the east,all i kept hearing on how big the rivalry would be with atlanta,who gives a fck about atlanta,most of us down here who are baseball fans are from boston,new york and toronto.

KStiffers
KStiffers

@PepeBillete Ireland stays @ #1, porq tu sabes que ese POS no va a hacer nada abt Carpenter. Otro GM estuviera ya on the phone making tweaks

isonepower
isonepower

@PepeBillete LET me tell YOU just how Much I "LOVE" & ENJOY reading your articles YOU have amazing TRUE talent LMFAO #TweetAPicOfUrBollo

TitoPeseta
TitoPeseta

@PepeBillete Pepe that Ireland rant was awesome I can't stop cracking up #worsethanabagofassholes

ray_mostdope
ray_mostdope

@PepeBillete holy FUCK I'm dying reading this article

lildebbie3054
lildebbie3054

@PepeBillete Me Encanta! 5 Sapingos On one page!

Jorgesalesgenie
Jorgesalesgenie

@PepeBillete Papo this article was UR best yet. UR in UR own league man. If U were a baseball player U would be accused of taking steroids.

paincane
paincane

@PepeBillete Eres un bárbaro! Love the Heath Bell and Jeff Ireland sections. Strong work.

dayii622
dayii622

@PepeBillete best work yet. Always get a laugh #onpoint

ysellgarcia
ysellgarcia

wow...lmao.. bro i got tears coming out my eyes from how hard i was laughing reading this shit..

JamieRejes
JamieRejes

Chusmeria, good grammar, and the truth all in one column. I loved it @PepeBillete keep up the good work pipo

vegygirl
vegygirl

@PepeBillete OMFG!! So hilarious! Great job, Pepito!!! Ese Marco Rubio Es TREMENDO sapingo!!!

Krisausm
Krisausm

@AstronautOmar pepe billete is the next messiah.

millie.andreasen
millie.andreasen

LOVE IT!!! Pepe, you were so right!!!! And that moron Ireland needs to be send out of Miami, in a Cubana de Aviacion plane, and send him to the middle of a slum in Havana, pa que sepa lo que es bueno! JERK!

 

Holdmahhdickk
Holdmahhdickk

@PepeBillete never laughed so hard while reading pipo that rant on ireland and heath bell me cago en dies lol

fmo892
fmo892

@PepeBillete si ireland lee esto he gonna cry alot..q chuchooo!!

pedroguerios
pedroguerios

@PepeBillete coño! Bien dicho! Heath Bell es tremendo come pinga pero putting him (or anyone else, really) on a list with Ireland is harsh!

juandelcerro
juandelcerro

@PepeBillete Dude! This column was your best yet. Amazing work. Keep them coming....

gojerry98
gojerry98

@PepeBillete was she talking about New Times???? Lmfao Hahahaha!

ma_tii
ma_tii

@PepeBillete closed his article like a boss, telling bitchass Ireland, "What do you have to say about that, pipo?" Setting that nigga right

Demitri23
Demitri23

@PepeBillete que clase de singada. Te lo comiste otra vez, hilarious.

hialeahjoe
hialeahjoe

Lmaoooo Pepe te la comistes! Where does this shit come from? You should produce a reality tv show of your life, it'd be a blockbuster hit

liris100
liris100

@PepeBillete Bravo!! Well said Mr. P$! You truly take freedom of speech to a whole another level! Kudos to you on another amazing piece!!☝

tgavalda
tgavalda

Is the best you can do is write an article full of such vulgar language in such a widely circulated  and popular publication?  One thing is to use your profanity in private with your friends but this is ridiculous.

MarioPerez73
MarioPerez73

@PepeBillete just read the part about Jeff Ireland, coño that man can't show his face in this city after that ripping #FireIreland #

NinaPolo86
NinaPolo86

I guess so .... Thanks @fLuiDLiQuiDfLoW

JELazar
JELazar

@thisisraphael would love to see you!

FunLver
FunLver

@Jorgesalesgenie @PepeBillete Agree 110%. Great article. #PingúStatus

PepeBillete
PepeBillete

@Jorgesalesgenie coño pipo, thanks. Un abrazo!

bsuarez2003
bsuarez2003

 @tgavalda

 Evidently, you don't know much about this publication. Have you paged through a New Times, EVER? Take your head out of your ass and get with the program!

hialeahjoe
hialeahjoe

@tgavalda one thing is for you to have un bollo salado in private, another is to come on here y traer la peste a bollo contigo. Can't you see Pepe is the greatest journalistic talent since Larry king?

fLuiDLiQuiDfLoW
fLuiDLiQuiDfLoW

@NinaPolo86 Would you like to have coffee/lunch w/ me?

tgavalda
tgavalda

 @ladiesman69xoxo1 I read it because I read the Miami New Times.  I don't know who "hialeahjoe" is but truth is I don't want to know.  I simply will not read his postings in the future.  But I thank him for answering my comment in such a polite manner.

NinaPolo86
NinaPolo86

but you were just being mean 2 seconds ago ??? :/ @fLuiDLiQuiDfLoW

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