The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode One: It's All About Elsa Patton
We've spent all week getting psyched for the return of The Real Housewives of Miami. We attended the premiere party. We let Joanna Krupa call us a bitch (lovingly, of course). We got the scoop on Elsa Patton's health after she collapsed.<
Finally, last night, season two premiered on Bravo, and the entire country got to see what all our fuss was about. The Euros over at Daily Mail called it "Reality Gold!" Oh no, wait, they were talking about Joanna Krupa's bikini body. In any case, we couldn't agree more.
The show's opening credits are so very Miami, packing so many cliches into a matter of seconds that it's almost sickening. Salsa music! Mojitos! We half-expected the ending group shot to involve a shower of cocaine falling over them as Gloria Estefan plays the bongos in the background.
Still, if the producers had one goal, it was to win you over from moment one. Two minutes into the show, we see Elsa, her fabulous vintage car, and her handicap sticker. Clearly, Bravo knows who we're really tuning in to watch. Elsa finally admits that a doctor "destroyed my face." Poor Mama Elsa. We love you and your face, girl. We also love that closet-hiding-Xanax-taking dog, Napoleon.