The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Three: Joanna Krupa Gets White-Girl Wasted

If Bravo wanted to lure in straight male viewers to Real Housewives of Miami, they did a pretty good job Thursday night. We think capturing a lingerie-wearing Joanna Krupa in bed will always do the trick.

See also:
- Joanna Krupa: "Where's the Vodka?"
- Last week's RHOM recap

We then go from disrobed Krupa to Dr. Karent Sierra. Every time we see the doctor, we want to burn her house down. No, not because we enjoy playing with fire (those days ended years ago), but because we wonder what her reaction would be. Would she finally stop smiling? Because on this show, she is literally never not smiling. Her boyfriend might be cheating? Looking thrilled. Her boyfriend suggests a harem? Grinning from ear to ear. If you remember last week, she was showing those pearly whites even through tears. Girl, you need to stop. Your cheeks are exhausted.

Then, over to Casa de Boob God. Lisa Hochstein's life is pretty interesting. It's like watching a Japanese sex doll come to life. But The Hoch and her jugs aren't the real stars there; her housekeeper Daysy is. And not just her; all of these wives have a pretty great staff. So great in fact, we are almost positive Andy Cohen is currently planning their spinoff. First, there is Daysy who essentially gets paid to hang out with her boss. Then, over at Lea's house, Freda is living a life of luxury we can only dream of. Elsa's has a maid too, and though we don't know her name and she's been on just one episode, she's clearly a star. You know that gal has some stories.

The wives met up at Lea's mega-mansion to talk about who could volunteer for Lea's annual Black Gala. Then, our favorite honorary housewife in drag, Elaine Lancaster, shows up, all dressed in her show clothes, naturally. (For a charity meeting? Really?) As they all begin to discuss how they could contribute, Elaine proudly announces, "I couldn't walk the red carpet last year. Marysol wouldn't let me."