Your Miami Zombie Halloween Costume Is a Terrible Idea, You Dick

Categories: Culture
Don't be this guy, for Halloween or ever.
Hey, remember last summer, when a guy chewed another guy's face off on the MacArthur Causeway? And then the police blamed bath salts? And then all anybody could talk about for the next month was Rudy Eugene and whether he was possessed and Ron Poppo and hey did you know he was homeless and drugs are scary, huh?

Of course you do. Everyone does. That was one seriously terrifying, mind-blowingly WTF Miami moment. You couldn't escape it. In bars, at fancy dinners, in the middle of children's birthday parties and new moms' baby showers, all of us in this town wasted full days of our lives analyzing the details of the incident until our brains were numb with gore.

Now, it's Halloween, and you think you're going to blow everyone's minds by dressing up as the Miami Zombie or his victim? You are wrong. And you're probably also kind of a dick. Here's why:

You think you're original? You are not original.
Back in May, when you'd finally processed the horror of the face-eating and were able to shut your eyes at night without seeing that grotesque photo of Ron Poppo's destroyed face in your dreams, you likely had this realization: "Some douchebag is going to be the Miami Zombie for Halloween this year." If you are that douchebag, your realization was more like, "Some awesome guy is going to be the Miami Zombie for Halloween this year!" The point is, we all saw this coming.

Hell, the Miami Zombie made the first page of our "Halloween Costumes Everyone Will Be Wearing" list, right between Honey Boo Boo and Binders Full of Women. No points for creativity, is what we're saying.

You think you're funny? You are not funny.
Here is a list of some things that are funny: George Carlin. Dogs wearing booties. Babies eating lemons. Colonel Meow. Old ladies watching sex tapes. People falling down, especially if they're wearing Ed Hardy apparel.

Here is something that is not funny: The senseless, violent mauling of a human being, resulting in one death and one life forever scarred, both physically and emotionally.

See the difference?

My Voice Nation Help
Rebecca Conway Kolley
Rebecca Conway Kolley

What if you had been the one attacked? NOT fn FUNNY! Plus a young man who had mental health issues is dead? This should not have happened and it is repulsive to find humor in it!


@MiamiNewTimes @CultistMiami youre just jealous you didn't think of it first. get a sense of humor.

Alex Anico
Alex Anico

Seriously? You can be anything else but you can't be the Miami zombie or his victim cause it ain't cool or you'd be a dick? Grow some balls for fucks sake. Its better than that priest outfit with a fake little boy attached that they sell in stores.

Em Azin
Em Azin

did a woman write this CRAP?! the miami zombie idea is funny as fuck. if you cant laugh at it... YOU HAVE A DICK IN YOUR ASS... YOU DICK!!! lol :)

David Perez
David Perez

Original, maybe not. But it's still going to be funny. Zombie it up!

Jimbo99 topcommenter

Too many people getting shot these days just for wearing a costume and being mistaken for a wild animal or a burglar ? I'll skip Halloween for the rest of this lifetime.

Luis Benitez
Luis Benitez

New Times bitches about a zombie costume being "uncool" but then you go and let your "writers" post full articles about how we should avoid feeding the feral cats.......Seems legit. I mean you guys CLEARLY have your issues in order.

grantstern topcommenter

I live in zombieland over here, miami zombie-ism is a perfectly good costume and don't knock it.


@MiamiNewTimes @CultistMiami I just spit coffee. Great headline.

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