The Five Most Gag-Worthy Items on Oprah's Favorite Things List

Photo by Alan Light

"I have it all!"

To honor the holidays, to gloat about how superior she is to everyone else, or in a display of early onset dimentia, Oprah has once again compiled a list of her favorite things -- things normal people like her simply cannot love without.

According to Oprah, she "picked and planned, tasted and touched, sniffed and snuggled" through a whole pile of questionably useful, outrageously priced items to compile this list for us. Hey, flipping through catalogs is hard work, but somebody's gotta do it.

Here's a gold-plated, truffle-scented taste of what Oprah has declared worthy of America's Christmas lists. (Pro tip: Pop your Xanax now.)

via Nieman Marcus

5. Swing Design Tray and Boxes
Retail $70 - $120

These are just like those shoebox-shaped storage boxes used for keeping old photos and rolling paper. But fancy!

Oprah says: "I think it was Paul Simon who said, 'Preserve your memories; they're all that's left you.' [Ed. note: WTF?] This set of boxes is wonderful for the friend who can never manage to keep her keepsakes--from old love letters to fading ticket stubs to seashells from a Sunday at the beach--all in one safe place."

Yeah, baby. Container Store culture at its most decadent.

via Coach

4. Coach Puffers, AKA Puff the Magic Jacket
Retail $458

This is just a quilted jacket. But fancy!

Oprah says: "The thing I love about Coach is its attention to detail. This perfect down puffer trimmed in leather manages to be nice and warm without making you look like the Incredible Hulk. Amen!"

We'd much prefer to emulate @FeministHulk. But we don't think ze'd approve of these jackets.