The Marlins' Salary-Dumping Trades Are Miami's Cultural Loss

Categories: Sports
When news of the Marlins' devastating trades of many of its best players to the Toronto Blue Jays broke yesterday, the city's sports fans had a collective aneurism. And for good reason. After all, we did build the team a brand new $515 million ballpark this year -- a park that'll likely see few fans and fewer wins in 2013 now that owner Jeffrey Loria has essentially cashed in his chips and gone home.

But the truth is, recent moves by the Marlins affect all Miamians, not just its sports fans. This team, after all, has been responsible for some of the most dramatic shows, the most talked-about art, and the most flashy (if puzzling) performance art in town.

Here are just a few of the ways Miami culture will suffer in the aftermath of Loria's SalaryDumpocalypse.

HR sculpture.jpg
Let's just get the Red Grooms "Tremenda Mierda Fountain" issue out of the way first, because you know it's coming. Yes, it's hideous. Yes, it's bafflingly large. But it's still art, goddammit, and this is still a town where we celebrate that shit, especially when there are drinks involved. Without a team capable of hitting baseballs into home run territory, that neon sculptural trainwreck won't be used to its full, splashing, spinning, dolphin-jumping potential. Unacceptable.

Pop Culture
Showtime's first attempt to chronicle the Marlins in the show The Franchise, uh, didn't work out so well. But as several Twitter users pointed out last night, The Franchise, Miami Marlins 2: Who Are Any of These Guys Anyway would actually be pretty fun to watch. Award-winning, even. As some dude named Rick said, "I'd nominate #Marlins the franchise show the award in the #tragedy category."

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everyone grow some balls & boycott the team.

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