The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 14: Brawls and Breakdowns in Bimini

When the opening scene of Real Housewives of Miami is pouring rain, you know the editing guy with a degree in drama is thinking, "Self, this is pure genius! What a scene I am creating!"

And yeah, he did -- but these ladies created a shitshow all on their very own. Terrible weather wasn't even necessary.

See also:
- Smoking Hot Photos of Elsa Patton Before Real Housewives of Miami
- Last week's Real Housewives of Miami recap

We begin with a Bimini Bay breakfast fit for Real Housewives. There is a personal chef, tons of booze, and enough food to feed the entire island. Naturally, the ladies begin the day by talking about the fact that Karent Sierra is more than likely being cheated on, and girl needs to get a grip on that fact. Very casual morning talk, of course.

We love Lea Black, and quotes like this are why: "Roy can't afford to cheat on me." Lea needs Karent to get a hold of herself, and she will yell till she does so. The real victim here isn't Karent and the fact she is being humiliated on national TV. It's the poor chef who is giving the camera the look of, "These bitches are crazy." Ma'am, you are correct in that statement.

Then, as if Lea's advice wasn't great enough, Mama Elsa was called in from Miami. When she was informed of Cheatinggate 2012, she said it was all bullshit.  Usually, what Mama Elsa says goes, but right now, we're kind of loving the bullshit. What can we say?

It just would be an episode of the Real Housewives of Miami without a tear or 12. Lisa and Lea have a heart-to-heart about babies, and it tugs the very strings of our black heart. While we couldn't get off the fact that Mrs. Black looks like a ghetto-fabulous gypsy, we did cherish that moment.