Pepe Billete's Guide to Celebrating Hugo Chavez's Death In the 305

Categories: Pepe Billete

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Photo by Stian Petter Roenning
Some of the most gratifying and rewarding perks of living in Miami are the rich community traditions that have evolved with the development of the city, like grandiose celebrations of different countries' national independence day, staying away from the beach on Memorial Day, or dressing like tremenda puta ratchetera on Halloween. Pero sin pena, I have to admit that my favorite of all Miami traditions is one that, sadly, is only thoroughly enjoyed by one segment of our population.

If you're Cuban, it has become almost a given that celebrations of everything from a protest to a government sponsored kidnapping to an NBA Championship celebration be held on the streets of Hialeah and Southwest Miami-Dade. More specifically, by Taco Bell in Hialeah and on Bird Road in front of La Carreta. This tradition is so deeply rooted in the Cuban community that even the unsubstantiated rumor of the death of el muy malparido de Fidel Castro prompted a Cuban celebration in 2007.

See also:
- Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Miami Heat Haters
- Pepe Billete's Guide to the Best of Miami

Today I woke up to three pressing concerns:

1. Tremendo fucking hangover from el descaro y puteria that began on New Years Eve,

2. Un par de gordas cariñosas con tremendo hambre, and

3. News that Venezuelan "President" Hugo Chavez was on his deathbed.

As a proud 305 Cubanaso, I consider it my god-given right to cagarme en la hora que nacio any communist mama tranca that has any power in the world, and I hold that right dear to my heart. With the impending death of Chavez, there's the added satisfaction that he's a piece of shit Castro sympathizer, a supporter of the guerrilla faction trying to overthrow the Colombian government, and most importantly, extremely vocal in his anti-American sentiments. Because of this, I feel that the Cuban exile community and anti-Chavez Venezuelans have a kinship that bonds us in both our struggle and culture.


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8 comments
bateriayreggaeton
bateriayreggaeton

just to let you know that the 'Versailles' of the venezuelan exile community is "EL AREPAZO" on NW 102nd Ave & NW 58th St in Doral. http://www.yelp.com/biz/el-arepazo-doral

it was the center of activity during the last election and a resident of Doral Park it was hell to try to drive in and out of the area that day. anyway this is where you wanna be when he dies. all the news trucks are already driving by. 

chipahoy
chipahoy topcommenter

Hopefully a mass exodus will follow and we can have our community back. If I see another Venezuelan flag I am going to puke!

Sara Burke
Sara Burke

dear chavez, karma's a bitch, huh?

alphylozada
alphylozada

A singar Venezolana's in front of Hooters. Que rico, keep up the good work!! Great voice for us wise ass Cubanaso's that know too much.

mplsdbc
mplsdbc

What a complete waste of a feature. Well done on more hard-hitting journalism, New Times.

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