The Real Housewives of Miami, Part Two: Mama Elsa Magic and Other Merry Moments
If you whip out your dictionary and turn to the word "reunion," you will find a definition that reads: the act of uniting again. Please note that that definition includes no mention of Andy Cohen, Bravo, or bitches acting as though they are on bath salts in a ball gown. We should probably call up Webster and have him change it. Because let's be honest -- that pretty much sums up part one and two of the unique and utterly drama-riffic reunion of the Real Housewives of Miami.
Last Week: If you really wanted know what you missed, you can check out our stellar review. Here's the short version: Ana vs. Lea, Joanna vs. Adriana, and Andy Cohen doing his best to stir the pot. Well, mission accomplished, Andy.
If you missed last night's reunion finale, here's what is waiting for you on your DVR.
Joe Francis Ain't Jack Shit
Hear ye, hear ye: Joanna Krupa didn't sleep with Joe Francis. Does it really matter? No, because she is still super hot. He on the other hand has the face of an old man's derriere in assless chaps. Mama Elsa isn't ashamed to admit that a doctor destroyed her face; Francis shouldn't be either. Oh, and did we mention the man is a certified felon? Real Housewives of Miami, as a whole, can be occasionally tragic. Bringing that steamy hot mess on our franchise doesn't help. Let's leave him out season three, OK?
Alexis Answers All
If Bravo was out for some dirt, they got it during the reunion. Who all has had work done? They answered it. Have you slept with creepy pornographers? They cleared that up. We suppose they are in the stages of their contracts where they can't plead the fifth. When part-time cast member, Alexia, to hit the stage, she had guns and her gallon-sized jugs blazing. Before shit hit the fan, we were able to hear that her son Frankie is doing great after his accident and heading back to school this year. But our tears quickly ran back into our sockets when discussing her other son, Peter. You might remember him for punching a homeless man in the balls and putting it on YouTube. We hope he learns to deal with his emotions all while picking up a book. Putting videos of you on YouTube doing illegal shit is work of pure genius.