Texas Chainsaw 3D, Now with More Boobs, Chainsaws Shoved in Your Face

Categories: Film and TV
Justin Lubin
Cynics will think they know everything about Texas Chainsaw 3D solely from its title. To that, we say, "Maybe, but do you know which three dimensions it's in?" (Okay, fine. Unless you're Buckaroo Banzai, it's probably the three you were suspecting.)

Which isn't to say there aren't surprises in the film. For example, when one of the good-looking protagonists is inevitably sawed in half with a chainsaw, does he get sawed in half crosswise or lengthwise? And yes, the most naked and promiscuous of the good-looking protagonists get the most gruesome deaths, but how much of their skin will you get to see before classically-trained chainsaw massacreur Leatherface turns it into a custom luchador mask?

See also:
- Texas Chainsaw 3D 's Alexandra Daddario Hates Chainsaws, Loves Dirk Diggler's Diggler

You'd be right to assume that the 3D feature is used to have a chainsaw blade jabbed at your jumbo popcorn bucket at some point in the film. But it's also repeatedly used to give the shapely pecs and breasts of our comely stars an added bit of pop. It also is used to strangely add texture to the fuzzy wool seat covers in their car, seat covers that do not offer much in terms of chills unless you are a sheep.

But don't worry that the lack of "Massacre" in the title means this is a domestic drama in which Leatherface takes out his middle age dissatisfaction with his chainsaw sales job on his alcoholic wife, Leatherette. Lest the body count remain too low, the film begins with a highlight reel of sorts, featuring many of the better eviscerations from the previous entries in the series. This seamlessly blends into a flashback sequence that shows us Leatherface's rather strained relationship with his hometown before getting us to the good-looking people and their throbbing 3D parts.

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