The Estefans Have Gone Broadway! Ten Miamians Who Deserve Their Own Musical More

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Gloria's cool and all, but we can think of at least 10 better subjects for a musical theater plot.
Miami music patriarchs Gloria and Emilio Estefan are about to embark on one of their biggest projects to date.

The die-hard Latin-pop vets will be developing a new theatrical production that will tell the story and share the sounds from their wild ride from Cuba to the top shelf of Spanish-language pop in North America. "We are very excited to share this story, which is based on hope, determination and the belief that with hard work and passion, our dreams can become our reality," the Estefans said in a statement.

But who cares? We can think of at least ten other Miamians whose lives we would rather see performed on stage with music. For example:
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Uncle Luke
If the story of Miami were translated into Biblical terms, Uncle Luke would be Adam, Eve, Abraham, Moses, King David, all of the prophets, John the Baptist, Jesus, Peter the Pope, and probably some seven-headed monster in Revelations, too. There is nothing that better embodies the truly shameless bombast of Dade County than being the defendant in a Supreme Court case about poppin' pussies, and then running for public office. Somebody bring Life and Freaky Times of Uncle Luke to the stage!

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Ace Ventura
Yo, the world's premier pet detective lived on Washington Avenue, moshed to Cannibal Corpse at the Cameo, and hung the fuck out with Dan Marino. It's time that Jim Carrey's breakout role is finally integrated into South Florida's cultural canon. Ace Ventura was pure 305. And, no, we're not implying he's not laced with baby laxatives.

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Christopher Bosh
After successfully pissing off an internationally famous basketball star, the next logical step for intellectual property molesters Bleeding Palm and Borsht Film Festival, would be to adapt their brilliant Adventures of Chris Bosh in the Multiverse into a stage musical. We anticipate injuries, rewrites, and the bewildering involvement of U2 on the scale of Spider Man: Turn off the Dark.


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