Stephenie Meyer Takes Miami: Ten Questions For the Twilight Author
For Twi-hards everywhere, there's only one deity worth worshiping, and she's a brown-haired, Mormon mother of three from Hartford, Connecticut. We're speaking, of course, of Stephanie Meyer, New York Times bestselling author and instigator of the biggest mass psychosis since the re-election of George W. Bush.
Meyer, unarguably one of the world's most famous writers, is making an appearance at Books & Books in Coral Gables on Tuesday, February 19. And for members of Team Edward and Team Jacob, she'll be signing copies of her books and making tween dreams come true.
Twi-hards we are not. But we do have ten pressing questions for the woman who single-handedly hijacked pop culture for the past four years (at least). So for those who plan to brave the fandom, we've put together a handy list of things to say to the wordsmith herself.
10. You realize the dream dude you manifested for pre-pubescent girls is totally a pedophile, right?
A 109-year-old undead man watching a 17-year-old sleep, stalking her, seducing her, then wrecking her womb with his freakish baby is wrong on more levels than we can possibly address. Then, a buff, sexually-virile werewolf falls in love with a baby. We're seeing a pattern here.
9. Why didn't Edward and Jacob get it on?
The thought of two hot dudes going at it is way sexier than either of them making it with the duller-than-dirt, cloyingly-chaste Bella.
Oh, just make out already.
8. In a book so blatantly homo-erotic, why no openly gay characters?
Meyer's vampires "sparkle" in the sun -- they were obviously born to be flamboyant. Plus, Taylor Lautner. 'Nuff said.
7. Are you afraid of Stephen King?
Stephen King says Meyer can't write "worth a darn." And she should probably not mess with him. Unlike glitter vamps, he's genuinely scary.