Miami's Five Biggest Sapingos: January Edition

Photo by Stian Petter Roenning

Well, a new month is upon us, and you know what that means! A new set of food stamps to trade for cash en la bodeguita de la esquina, and we get to name January's sapingos of the month.

See also:
- Pepe Billete's Guide to the Best of Miami
- Pepe Billete's Guide to Celebrating Hugo Chavez's Death In the 305
- Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Miami Heat Haters
- Pepe Billete: Why Miami Sports Fans Don't Suck

5. "Patty" La Pata Sucia

Background: Three weeks ago, the official "pata sucia" archive went live on the web, and people from all over Miami began sending in pictures of comemierdas walking around in public with no shoes on. Today, two years after I first began my campaign to shed light on this 305 epidemic, I finally received something that sums up the message I've been trying to spread since I first trended the phrase PataSucia on Twitter.

Meet Patty, aka ""Patty," la Pata Sucia," aka the perfect, if fictional, personification of how ratchet and uncouth it really is to be una Pati-Puerca. While "Patty" may be female, this title applies to males just as much, if not more, in some cases.

"Patty" loves afterhours, almost as much as she loves buying zapatos Mickey Mouse at Mall of the Americas. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like she feels as strongly about preventing that fungal bacterial infection from swelling her left foot into Kuato from Total Recall.

One look at this girl's hoofs, and I knew that bollo was trouble porque acere... los carros sometimes come con un GPS, pero los pingus vienen de factoria con GSP-- Global Sucia Positioning y el mio nunca falla! Anyone stupid enough to walk around an afterhours club at 10 a.m. sin zapatos is either un indio o tremendo singao y ya yo tengo bastante problema con el autocorrect del focking iPhone de pinga este, para estar comiendo mierda con ratcheteras media mongolica.