Miami's Five Biggest Sapingos: January Edition

Categories: Opinion


1. El Equivocado Mas Grande De Miami
Oye, don't bother refreshing the page; the FBI has not raided a shopping center in Miami. No, this saco de mojones is the security guard at Chico's Restaurant in Hialeah. If you've never eaten at Chico's, you're seriously missing out on some delicious Cuban food, but like you, there are many that actually live in Hialeah that have yet to discover the wonders of raising your cholesterol level 60 points in one sitting. Why, you ask? Because of Sargent Sapingo here. El aborto este se pasa el dia "patroling" the 30 or so feet between la ventanita de cafe and the front door, dressed like a federal agent and harassing patrons who park too close to the yellow separation lines in the parking lot in front of the restaurant. Apparently, according to an actual delinquente friend of mine that actually eats at the place at least once a week, the restaurant seems a lot slower than it has traditionally been. The management blames the economy; I blame the Valsan Vice Squad.

I'm willing to bet that if Chico's replaces this comepinga with una vieja echandose fresco en el bollo in front of these problematic parking spots, not only will it have the same effect on patrons who have shit for skills when it comes to driving into straight lines, but it will end the suspicion of unsuspecting and potential customers that Chico's is constantly being raided.



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