Super Bowl Commercials 2013: The Subliminal Message Drinking Game
Subliminal Message: "Hulk Smash!"
Drinking Game: For every violent display, we're sorry to say, you've got to chug a Steel Reserve for the duration of the clip.
Obviously, the viewership at hand is entertained by extreme acts of physical violence. Football is the modern Colosseum; football players are today's gladiators. And we are the rabid and bloodthirsty spectators looking for the greatest distraction we can find from pre-Enlightenment hygienic practices. Although I guess in 2013, the equivalent social vice would be people who can't get off their fucking space phones.
Subliminal Message: "The natural world compels you to consume"
Drinking Game: There is clearly no other option but swallowing an entire bottle of Budweiser, no matter the length of the commercial. So every time you see adorable animals asking you to buy the next round, or CGI birds turn pooping on your car into Top Gun, it's time to chug-a-lug.
The circle of life is not all singing warthogs and sunshine, as depicted in the documentary/bio-pic, The Lion King. Sometimes it involves abusing your body and mind in the name of other people's profits.
Subliminal Message: "Here is a secret maxim to get you to spend money."
Drinking Game: If you suspect you've just heard the latest cultural jingle catchphrase of the decade, you're allowed to force another contestant to take a shot or chug a beer of your choosing. Each contestant is allowed one cash-in, so use wisely.
You're getting sleepy. Veeery sleepy.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.