How Facebook Is Killing Your Chances of Finding Love
A few years back, I was in a pretty bad place. My boyfriend at the time, who I had thought would love me forever, had recently dumped me, leaving me to become the original Taylor Swift -- minus the songwriting thing.
In the days before social media existed, you would get over breakups the good old-fashioned way: by stalking his friends at their place of work while threatening for details of his life for "closure" and listening to sad songs on repeat. It was that simple.
Today, we have a lot more access to people via social media, which makes breaking up, moving on, and creating genuine connections a lot harder. Why? How many of us have found ourselves believing that what our ex or crush posts on Facebook is truth? How many of us have obsessed over the "like" he handed his high school sweetheart (who is recently single, might I add?) when she posted a photo of her adorable pug?
It's OK. Hi, my name is Nikki, and I'm a recovering Facebook addict too. There was a time I had to limit my use to one day a week. (Not surprisingly, it was my favorite day of the week.)
If we use this technology for the wrong reasons, it's easy to find ourselves caught in the world of make-believe online lives. But here's the truth: The same way that romantic comedies only show us tiny snippets of what real romantic relationships are made of, Facebook (and other social media platforms) only gives us a peephole into others' lives. And let's not forget, the subject also curates what you see. So what you see is not really what you get.
Let's put breakups aside and talk about creating new relationships with the added pressure of what we see on our favorite social networking site. It's natural to want to do research on the guy you gave your number to at the charity event. You friend-request him or he sends you one, and then you begin your investigation.
At first, it's all fun and games when you're just browsing his photos, his liked pages, friends in common... you know, the norm. But as the days go by, you begin to build your online relationship, which without even noticing you start to mistake as your real-life relationship. And this is where things get complicated.