March Madness: The Ten Worst Basketball Mascots In the NCAA Tournament

Categories: Sports
399px-Sebastian_the_Ibis.jpg
Sebastian: Not a terrible mascot, also has a mean right hook.
Mascots are one of the most ridiculous aspects of sports. Kids love them, and you know the guy in the suit did it mainly the get close to the cheerleaders. Sure, it's all fun and games -- until his fuzzy face right in yours trying to get you to stand up and dance in the aisle, and you keep saying no, but this freak won't leave you alone, then your girlfriend starts pushing you to stand up, and then you're getting extra embarrassed, and before you know it you're in a fistfight with Sebastian the Ibis.

Mascots blow.

And some mascots blow a lot more than others. Some have the most ridiculous names and background stories; others are born out of errors or some totally out of touch convoluted college tradition.

Here are ten of the worst mascots from this year's March Madness NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament -- and our suggestions for new and improved characters.

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10. Valparaiso Crusaders

Why Crusaders suck: Geez, angry much? Valpo has to get credit for one thing: In 1942, the school changed its mascot to a Crusader from an Uhlan, a Polish light cavalry unit, because of its proximity to Nazis. Valpo has a serious thing for aggressive imagery. What, the Valpo Head Stomping Doughboys were too American for the Indiana university?

Suggested new mascot: The Sporks
Instead, Valpo should tone down the testosterone and focus on their history as one of the first coed universities in the country. They can adopt a male- and female-friendly mascot like the ultra-utilitarian spork, famous for its ability to handle all things pointy or round.

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9. New Mexico State Aggies

Why the Cowboy sucks: For most people, the word Aggie has no meaning besides some sort of vague association with cowboys. Unfortunately, Aggie refers to a college's status as an Agricultural and Technical University, which at some point in the past may have had something to do with Cowboys. But now "Agricultural" has more to do with big businesses like Monsanto.

Suggested new mascot: The Minutemen
To move New Mexico State into modern day imagery, their mascots should reflect some real modern day cowboys, like the gun touting maniacs of the private border-protecting organization Minutemen. You know, the guys who keep us safe from all those "dangerous" incoming illegal immigrants who'll keep streaming into the U.S. until we can finally build that giant border wall.

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1 comments
John Pearson
John Pearson

I like the Biiliken but then again I'm from St. Louis.

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