Five Things Not to Do on a First Date
4. Don't Not Listen
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Not listening during a date goes hand-in-hand with talking too much. But not listening can be more damaging. Why? Because you may leave your date with a totally different understanding of the person you went out with simply because you did not take the time to truly listen.
Honest listening is hard to do, but all it takes is some practice. First, you want to make sure you're hearing the person out without bringing in your own judgments about what they're saying. Don't judge; just listen and observe.
The other trick is to listen fully. Meaning, don't only hear what you want to hear. Listen to the entire sentence and conversation. For example, your date might mention that he wants a serious relationship, but within the same breath he mentions that he's still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. Those of us who like to hear what we want to hear will have only paid attention to the serious relationship part and completely disregard the ex-girlfriend bit. A few months later when he dumps you with that lasting phrase, "It's not you, it's me," you're totally surprised. Shocking, right?
If you truly listen, your date will show you who s/he really is. Let them, and then believe them.
5. Don't Have Sex
Hold your horses, liberals. I'm not saying to completely brush aside the idea of sex on a first date. I'm not saying that at all. What I want you to do is have a serious conversation with yourself about the birds and the bees -- the kind your parents forgot to have with you.
Sex on a first date can be so much fun, and it could even lead to a lasting relationship. But if you're giving it up for the wrong reasons, you're setting yourself up for disaster, disappointment, and shame.
So, how do you know if you're giving it up for the wrong reasons? If there's even a tiny bit of you that thinks sex will bring the two of you closer or make you appear more desirable, do not do it. You're not in the right place to enjoy the fun that can come from intimacy. And there's nothing wrong with that! You just have to be honest with yourself, and know where you are in life.
Many of us use sex as a way to create the illusion of a bond. Just because you are physically connected does not mean you are forming the kind of connection needed to create a lasting relationship. It's a complete lie -- and both parties can feel it. Plus, this type of ulterior motive always results in clinginess.
Other times, you may use sex because you feel your hot Miami body is the only thing you have to offer. First off, it's not a thing -- it's you. And second, you're beautiful because you are, well, you. But if you don't see that, no one else will.