Pepe Billete: Banning Same-Sex Marriage Is Tremenda Mariconada

Categories: Pepe Billete

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Last week, I was bombarded with emails regarding a Facebook post I made wishing the gay community luck and expressing my hope that the Supreme Court delivers a favorable decision on their behalf. The majority of the emails were from fans of my work, gay and straight, just saying "thanks," but there were two that really caught my attention.

One was from a girl named "Nathalie" who wrote me a 2,000-word religious diatribe about how "marriage is a sacred union under god" and argued that "there's no point in getting married if you can't have babies." De pinga.

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The other was from a guy with the email handle "PingaSuerta" that read, "Bro, I would have never thought you would be a supporter of that shit." At first I thought PingaSuerta was condemning me for publically showing my support for the gay community, but he concluded his email with "Dale," and that led me to believe he probably just didn't expect something like that to come from me and was actually giving me props. Bueno -- that's unless of course his name is actually focking "Dale," in which case el tipo es tremendo comepinga!

Nathalie's email prompted me to write this post, and PingaSuerta's email motivated me to actually take action and publicly do something way bigger and way more over-the-top than anything I have done to date (more about this later)

So...

To Nathalie:

Mama, thank you for your email, but no seas tolete, mija. Saying that same-sex marriage is wrong because marriage is a "sacred union under god" might be a valid argument in Iran (a country with a national religion), but in the United States, where religion is constitutionally not supposed to dictate law, it's about as valid as the W2 of un marimbero. The issue of marriage at hand here is questioning whether a certain group of people should be legally allowed to do things like file joint tax returns, claim marital deductions on tax forms, and claim health insurance and social security survivor benefits. I'm not sure how the god you worship feels about "taxation without representation," but you should probably look up the definition of the term "civil rights" before you write ignorant hate mail to pingu puppets with handsome genetils.

Finally, by saying gay marriage is wrong because "there's no point in getting married if you can't make babies," you are saying that infertile couples and senior citizens shouldn't be allowed to marry either. As ignorant and ridiculous as your claim is in this context, it's the kind of excuse that would save me a lot of headaches if I used it every time some miserable married comepinga puts me in an awkward position with una jevita they've seen me with more than twice and asks, "So when are you two planning on making it official?" For example:

Comepinga: "Oye, Pepe. So when are you two going to finally tie the knot?"
Pingu: "When my dick is no longer made out of felt."
Comepinga: "What?"
Pingu: "Acere, because there's no point in getting married if you can't make babies."

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21 comments
lizzrdgz
lizzrdgz

Im not a member of the LGBT community but I support them 100% as well. I was also born and raised here and I know by seeing it myself; we are a melting pot city. We have so many different kinds of people, so because they're gay they can't marry?! Most gay couples would probably make better parents than soapy kids have out there right now. Parents arrepentidos they should be ashamed to treat kids how they do yet they can have them even if they are better off with the gay couple cuz it doesn't fit someone else's moral standard. If it doesn't fit your standard then don't do it. You shouldn't condemn others for being born with different hormones on the inside. It's scientific not ungodly or what not. Anyway- great blog u r badass. Love to read ur shit all the time. You are talented

slbb
slbb

I read with interest your opinion on marriage. Please let others have their opinion too. Those of us who bleed our religion don't claim the law should follow our Christian beliefs. We just have beliefs, and personally don't support things that are incompatible with our views. If the majority of the country disagrees, and it becomes legal, then it does. But it's absurd to demand us to waver on our faith.

culibre
culibre

@P$  You ever going write about Yoani Sanchez coming to Miami? 

margaritablogs
margaritablogs

Witty, brilliant & spot on!! Gracias, Pepe $Straight Ally & parents of a gay son.

margaritablogs
margaritablogs

Witty, brilliant & spot on!!

Gracias, Pepe $

Straight Ally & parents of a gay son.

never_defined
never_defined

Until your daughter comes home and tells you that she is getting married to a guy that is already married to another guy.

Because if marriage does not have a strict definition as to how it is defined. Then marriage means nothing and can be done by anyone that wants the "equal rights" to do so.

Dee_Vizzle
Dee_Vizzle

God created men & women to procreate. The world is now overpopulated; therefore, God invented the gays

Dee_Vizzle
Dee_Vizzle

God created men & women to procreate. The world is now overpopulated; therefore, God invented the gays

pepebillete
pepebillete

@culibre as much as Id like to, I feel like i really need to get more familiar with the situation than minimal information I have. Esto es una cosa que se merece su research to really understanding her plight. That's why I have refrained from saying anything, pipo. Yo hablo de las cosas que se pa no hablar mierda. 

chauncey
chauncey

@never_defined where the law is concerned, marriage is a legal union. that is significant in and of itself. whether marriage is between a man and woman or two men, really isn't important at all except to religious people - for the most part.  and religion shouldn't define public policy.  furthermore, if you are really concerned that the institution of marriage is in peril, it seems to me you should be more concerned with doing something about divorce rates than gay marriage.  i'm not opposed to divorce, but the fact that one can get married and then immediately divorced seems to discredit the institution much more than gay marriage ever could, unless of course you are religious.  but again, religion should not define public policy.  if you think otherwise, go live in iran.

Ansatsuken
Ansatsuken

@never_defined Good then let's define it as between two loving adults

lizzrdgz
lizzrdgz

Love! People during divorces become nasty creatures and violate each other yet this is perfectly ok. I love your comment its great

never_defined
never_defined

@Ansatsuken You are living in the past, who are you to define marriage as only between two adults. Where are the "equal rights" of the people who choose to love more than one?

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