Win a South Beach Comedy Festival VIP Pass Worth $1,000

Categories: Comedy, Giveaways

Silverman one Robyn van swank.jpg
Robyn van Swank
See Sarah Silverman -- and four of her fellow comedians -- for free this weekend.
Hey there, Cultist reader. Wanna go to the South Beach Comedy Festival?

Sure do, Cultist! But I can't decide which hilarious comedian I'd like to see. Sarah Silverman? Seth Meyers? Tracy Morgan? Which should I choose?

Don't choose, Cultist reader. Go see them all -- for free.

See, we're giving away a South Beach Comedy Festival LOL VIP package to one lucky Cultist reader. Win this package, and you'll have tickets to see five shows during SBCF's run -- and a bunch of other perks. All told, it's worth $1,000. But you can win without spending a dime.

See also:
- South Beach Comedy Festival Announces 2013 Lineup: Tracy Morgan, Sarah Silverman, Seth Meyers
- Bill Burr on Breaking Bad 's "Insane" Ending, Al Pacino, and Hating the Lakers Forever
- Seth Meyers: "I Know I Can't Be Better Than Jimmy Fallon"

The winner of the LOL VIP package will get two tickets to the following shows at the Fillmore:

Seth Meyers (Thursday, April 18, at 8 p.m.)
Sarah Silverman (Saturday, April 20, at 8 p.m.)
Jim Jeffries (Saturday, April 20, at 10:30 p.m.)
Tracy Morgan (Friday, April 19, at 8 p.m.)
Jamel Debouzze (Sunday, April 21, at 7 p.m.)

That's four whole days full of laughs. You might want to do some abdominal stretching between shows.

The package also comes with a gift bag; a commemorative 2013 SBCF VIP lanyard, so you can show all your friends what a big comedy deal you are; and admittance to the official SBCF VIP Event at the SLS Hotel Friday, April 19.

Want to win? Of course you do. Here's how:


Location Info

Map

The Fillmore Miami Beach

1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, FL

Category: Music


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59 comments
teajay
teajay

Q. If you're canoeing down a river and the sky is purple then how many pancakes can you fit in your doghouse true or false?


A. False because pancakes have no bones

emilyontheave
emilyontheave

Two blondes were out in the forest and looking at a set of tracks. One blonde said "These are definitely rabbit tracks". The other blonde said "no, these are definitely deer tracks". They were still arguing when the train came by and hit them. 

mayor of vice
mayor of vice

A black guy walks into a bar.....oh, never mind

mayor of vice
mayor of vice

A black guy walks into a bar.....oh, never mind

jo.mfuentes
jo.mfuentes

I hate Windows! .. Just tried to set my password to “myd*ck” but apparently it’s too short.

Drums please!

tammygarcia
tammygarcia

A dick has a sad life; his hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his BFF is a pussy, and his owner beats him!

jjalonso1989
jjalonso1989

So there's two muffins in an oven. One miffin says to the other "wow it sure is hot in here!" The other muffin screams "holy shit a talking miffin!"

masterbreez
masterbreez

Yo' Mama is so ugly, her parents had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

Riankinslaw
Riankinslaw

"Mr. T just became the spokesman for the Special Olympics, I guess he really does pity the fools." - Dave Kinney.

nosaj423
nosaj423

what's the cheapest type of meat?


deer balls. they're under a buck

smarterkid313
smarterkid313

911 Dispatcher: 911. What's your emergency? 

Me: Hi, are you hiring? 

Dispatcher: No. 

Me: Well in that case, there's a man holding a knife to my throat..

trying to kill two birds with one stone.


Neri
Neri


Q: What candy do you eat on the playground?
A: Recess pieces.

riley.cp
riley.cp

An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.

The teacher says, 'Save the children!'

The lawyer yells, 'FUCK THE CHILDREN!'

The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'

llashleychangll
llashleychangll

Amy Poehler at the Golden Globes:

"Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu, and I hear she's amazing in it."

info3500
info3500

How do you circumsice a Mormon?

 Kick his sister in the chin! Yup I went there! 

bradwallace131
bradwallace131

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" 

 "Yes," replies the little girl. 

 "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. 

 The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" 

 The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" 

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

dawn_marcario
dawn_marcario

Why can't Barbie and Ken have kids?

* 'Cause Ken comes in a different box.  ;)

luisasuarez86
luisasuarez86

why was the mushroom invited to the party?



because he was a  FUNGI (Fun Guy)

uflitgator
uflitgator

“God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” - Robin Williams

cynthi.cardoso
cynthi.cardoso

What did the Energizer Bunny get arrested for?




Battery.

srs2016
srs2016

What do you call a nosy pepper?  Jalapeno business! 

Lime.N
Lime.N

Two fonts walk into a bar, the bartender says, "we don't serve your type here"... so they called the serif.

gfdestin
gfdestin

Yo'mama is so dumb she went to the dentist for a blue tooth.

L.gringo
L.gringo

When I die, i want to go quietly in my sleep like my grandfather did

........not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his Buick. 

Jorge135
Jorge135

"Escalators can never break, they can only become stairs" Mitch Hedberd

Cornerwitz
Cornerwitz

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

solracezz
solracezz

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

ncc445
ncc445


Why did God create orgasms? 


 So women can moan even when they’re happy

cnjsmiles
cnjsmiles

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears?

Dinner at Hooters.

Sheepdizzle
Sheepdizzle

What did they farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where is my tractor?

bettyq1
bettyq1

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it’s a pit bull, you say, “You better let him finish.” .........Robert Schimmel

stspam01
stspam01

I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

Favorite joke by the king, Mitch Hedburg

aasuaje
aasuaje

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

masterbreez
masterbreez

What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a walrus?

One has whiskers and smells like fish; the other one's a walrus.

L.gringo
L.gringo

When I die, i want to go quietly in my sleep like my grandfather did

.........not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his Buick. 


mwcbuzz
mwcbuzz

Did you hear about the four Cubans in quicksand?


Cuatro Cinco

willjgold
willjgold

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Leprechaun walk into a bar. The Leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! I'm in the wrong joke!"

willjgold
willjgold

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Leprechaun walk into a bar. The Leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! I'm in the wrong joke!"

willjgold
willjgold

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Leprechaun walk into a bar. The Leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! I'm in the wrong joke!"

isamia.bella
isamia.bella

My credit card was stolen but my man didn't report it because it appears the theif spends way less then ME . LOL

mondeehernandez
mondeehernandez

What do you a call a Mexican with a rubber toe?  Rob-er-to. LMAO!

What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King?  Whaaaa-paaaaa-er.

Michellina182
Michellina182

::motions with one finger::

If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with my whole hand.


;]

jlee1087
jlee1087

a midget walks up to you and says "your hair smells nice."

CortneyLyn
CortneyLyn

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese!

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